How to make a connection and leave a great first impression when flirting or on a date
It'd be great if dating and flirting were easy -- things you could approach with excitement and nonchalance. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. You want to make a good impression on your potential love-interest, yet the very act of pondering how the other person perceives you can make you less confident! Below are four tricks for making a great first impression whether you're cruising the pick-up scene at a bar or on a first date.
1. Have great eye-contact. According to Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Instantly Connect With Anyone," eye-contact signifies "honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor and confidence." But what makes eye-contact good? In a word, length.
“You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there.”
You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there. Lowndes recommends a few strategies for maintaining continuous eye-contact. Think about the exact shade of his eyes; count the number of times she blinks; note the shape and asymmetry of his eyes.
2. Use the almost-touch. Touching the other person on the arm or the shoulder is a standard flirting technique. The physical contact indicates interest and comfort. Lowndes suggests something else: the almost touch. Reach out like you're about to touch him, but stop before you do. This works on men ("their fantasies go wild wondering what it means") and women ("she may appreciate your affection but can't accuse you of being too forward.")
3. Be eager and enthusiastic -- to a point. Here's a dilemma: How do you come across as interested in someone without seeming overly interested? Let the other person speak first, then match his level of enthusiasm. That way you won't sound disinterested or desperate. This works well on a first date, or when someone introduces you to someone else.
4. Make a good last impression. The way you say good-bye might be even more important than the way you say hello. Studies have shown that when people think about a past incident they're more likely to remember the way they felt at the end, even if it's significantly different from how they felt during the event.
To create a great last impression, advises Lowndes, don't just say good-bye -- instead say a full sentence that includes the person's name. Something like, "It was really great to meet you, Tom." Or "Amy, thanks, I had a really good time." Be warm and friendly and speak with at least as much energy you did when you said hello.
Source: http://ca.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88578/dating-tips-4-tricks-to-instantly-connect-with-anyone
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
How To Forget About Your Ex
You went through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone to the drunken nights out with the guys, and you're ready to begin a new relationship with a woman you've been eyeing for a while. But you're wondering how to go about forgetting your ex completely so that you can start this new relationship from a fresh perspective. Read on for the 10 steps you should take to do just that.
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
Monday, December 7, 2009
Out of Bounds: Dealing with People Who Break Boundaries
Most people have a sense of what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to respecting boundaries. However, we are bound to find individuals who don’t. These people are abusive…and if we don’t deal with them properly, they will continue to break boundaries time and time again.
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
Friday, November 20, 2009
Be Happy - How to Reclaim Your Authentic Happiness
They say, Don't Worry, Be Happy. But how do you just stop worrying and start being happy? We start our pursuit of happiness the minute we're born, but the Art of Happiness isn't one of the things we learn in school.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How to keep from losing yourself in a relationship
The video isn't entertaining. Play it to listen and learn from the verbal teachings.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Alcoholism / Addiction
This may seem a little out of place, but I wanted to put it somewhere. If you or someone you know is in recovery, this is something to look at.
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
Monday, October 26, 2009
Break Your Food Addiction
Discover why you are addicted to food, the problem with the behavior and answers on how to break free from your food addiction.
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
Friday, August 28, 2009
How to Turn Down a Drink
When in a social situation, it is possible that you will be offered an alcoholic drink by your host. Once people get into the party mode they may be reluctant to take 'no' for an answer, but you have your reasons. How do you turn down the offer without seeming like a killjoy?
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Saturday, February 21, 2009
How to Fix a Broken Friendship
Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two 'good' friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same.
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
How to Save Your Friendship
Have you ever had a huge fight with your best friend over something, then felt guilty? Well, here's some advice on how to end the fight and save your friendship before it's too late.
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
Friday, February 20, 2009
How to Come Up with Good Conversation Topics
Even if you know how to start a conversation and make it a good one, there's still the issue of choosing what you're going to talk about. Some topics are inappropriate in some situations, and some are just plain boring. Here are some topics to keep the conversation alive while keeping your foot out of your mouth.
Steps
1. Offer a genuine compliment like "I like your shoes" or "You did a fantastic job with that presentation today" or "I love the way you play the piano." Try to make it a compliment that involves something they did, rather than something they are, because then you can carry the conversation forward by asking them how they did what they did. E.g. "Where did you find the shoes?" or "How did you learn to put together such great presentations?" or "Who taught you to play the piano?" If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, they can thank you and the conversation ends there.
2. Bring up family. Your safest bet here is siblings. Parents can be a touchy subject for people who had troubled upbringings, have estranged parents, or whose parents have recently passed away. The topic of children can be uncomfortable for couples who are having fertility issues or disagreements about whether to have children, or for a person who wants to have kids but hasn't found the right person or situation. So stick with asking about siblings:
* Do you have any siblings? How many?
* What are their names?
* Do you look alike?
* Do you all have similar personalities?
* Who was the favorite?
* You could mention a 2007 study which found that the oldest sibling usually has the highest IQ, but younger siblings tend to excel in other areas of life, like sports and arts.[1] If you have siblings, you can say something like "I know that's true/not true for my family when I was growing up, is it true for yours?"
3. Ask about their travels. Ask the person where they've been; even if they have never left their home town, you can always ask where they want to go.
* If you had to permanently relocate to any other country, which one would it be and why?
* Of all the cities in the world you've visited, which one was your favorite?
* Where did you go on your last vacation, and how did you like it?
* What was the worst vacation/trip you ever had?
4. Inquire about food and drink. Food is a little better to talk about because there's always the chance of bumping into someone who has had issues with alcohol abuse, whether they were alcoholics, or they had negative experiences with an alcoholic. So talk about food. Be careful that the conversation doesn't stray into someone going on and on about their diet, how they're trying to lose weight, etc. That can take the conversation in a negative direction.
* Ask "If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?"
* What's your favorite breakfast food?
* Where do you like to go when you eat out?
* What's the best dish you can cook up?
* What's your favorite kind of candy?
* What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?
5. Ask about work. This one is especially tricky. Use with care. A date might think you're a gold digger. Or the conversation could end up sounding like a job interview. Still, if you can handle it carefully and keep it short and sweet (and prevent it from turning into a competition over whose job or boss is worse) then here are some starters:
* What was your first job ever?
* Who was your favorite boss in the past and why?
* When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
* What do you like best about your job?
* If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?
6. Find out about their interests and hobbies. This is where it starts to get more personal. It's up to you to carry the conversation beyond these questions in an appropriate way. Just always remember to stay positive, ask questions, and relate.
* What do you do in your spare time?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What kinds of movies do you like to watch?
* What are your favorite TV shows?
* What's your favorite board game or card game?
7. Play it safe and don't talk about any of the following:
* Past relationships
* Anything that can be answered with one word
* Politics
* Religion
* Illness, bad health
* Unpleasant smells
* Job woes (boredom, bad boss, etc.)
* Specialized interests
* Dark topics like serial killers and stalkers
* Bragging
* Any negative judgments
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Magnetic-Conversation-Topics-55167366
Tips
* Read up on current events. Read the paper and browse social bookmarking sites for current, interesting stories, but try to keep away from politics and religion.
* Listen carefully, and try to relate. After someone has answered, relate your own experience to something they mentioned, or answer the question yourself, even if they don't ask you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Come-Up-with-Good-Conversation-Topics
Steps
1. Offer a genuine compliment like "I like your shoes" or "You did a fantastic job with that presentation today" or "I love the way you play the piano." Try to make it a compliment that involves something they did, rather than something they are, because then you can carry the conversation forward by asking them how they did what they did. E.g. "Where did you find the shoes?" or "How did you learn to put together such great presentations?" or "Who taught you to play the piano?" If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, they can thank you and the conversation ends there.
2. Bring up family. Your safest bet here is siblings. Parents can be a touchy subject for people who had troubled upbringings, have estranged parents, or whose parents have recently passed away. The topic of children can be uncomfortable for couples who are having fertility issues or disagreements about whether to have children, or for a person who wants to have kids but hasn't found the right person or situation. So stick with asking about siblings:
* Do you have any siblings? How many?
* What are their names?
* Do you look alike?
* Do you all have similar personalities?
* Who was the favorite?
* You could mention a 2007 study which found that the oldest sibling usually has the highest IQ, but younger siblings tend to excel in other areas of life, like sports and arts.[1] If you have siblings, you can say something like "I know that's true/not true for my family when I was growing up, is it true for yours?"
3. Ask about their travels. Ask the person where they've been; even if they have never left their home town, you can always ask where they want to go.
* If you had to permanently relocate to any other country, which one would it be and why?
* Of all the cities in the world you've visited, which one was your favorite?
* Where did you go on your last vacation, and how did you like it?
* What was the worst vacation/trip you ever had?
4. Inquire about food and drink. Food is a little better to talk about because there's always the chance of bumping into someone who has had issues with alcohol abuse, whether they were alcoholics, or they had negative experiences with an alcoholic. So talk about food. Be careful that the conversation doesn't stray into someone going on and on about their diet, how they're trying to lose weight, etc. That can take the conversation in a negative direction.
* Ask "If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?"
* What's your favorite breakfast food?
* Where do you like to go when you eat out?
* What's the best dish you can cook up?
* What's your favorite kind of candy?
* What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?
5. Ask about work. This one is especially tricky. Use with care. A date might think you're a gold digger. Or the conversation could end up sounding like a job interview. Still, if you can handle it carefully and keep it short and sweet (and prevent it from turning into a competition over whose job or boss is worse) then here are some starters:
* What was your first job ever?
* Who was your favorite boss in the past and why?
* When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
* What do you like best about your job?
* If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?
6. Find out about their interests and hobbies. This is where it starts to get more personal. It's up to you to carry the conversation beyond these questions in an appropriate way. Just always remember to stay positive, ask questions, and relate.
* What do you do in your spare time?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What kinds of movies do you like to watch?
* What are your favorite TV shows?
* What's your favorite board game or card game?
7. Play it safe and don't talk about any of the following:
* Past relationships
* Anything that can be answered with one word
* Politics
* Religion
* Illness, bad health
* Unpleasant smells
* Job woes (boredom, bad boss, etc.)
* Specialized interests
* Dark topics like serial killers and stalkers
* Bragging
* Any negative judgments
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Magnetic-Conversation-Topics-55167366
Tips
* Read up on current events. Read the paper and browse social bookmarking sites for current, interesting stories, but try to keep away from politics and religion.
* Listen carefully, and try to relate. After someone has answered, relate your own experience to something they mentioned, or answer the question yourself, even if they don't ask you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Come-Up-with-Good-Conversation-Topics
Thursday, February 19, 2009
How to Be Nice and Cheerful to People
Have you ever thought how great it would be to be smiley and cheerful all the time, and for people to think you were really nice? Here's how!
Steps
1. Smile, and be positive. Being positive will help you stay happy, even if you are having a bad day. A smile improves your outlook, and makes people think of you as a confident and happy person. Smiling at people also helps them feel good about themselves! Besides, nobody likes a person who bores them with his own problems.
2. Strike up a conversation. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Introduce yourself, and then ask them about their day. Don't just talk about yourself throughout the whole conversation. Ask them questions about their interests and who they are.
3. Express your opinions. Don't be afraid to put forward your opinions even if they contradict those of the person you are talking to, but make sure to be civil. A good way to express a contradicting opinion is to start by saying "Yes, you are right when you say that, but I feel that..." Don't agree with people just so that they will like you - nobody likes a clone. People will like you for having your own thoughts and opinions, especially if they are mature and expressed in such a manner. Of course, don't say something that might offend people, especially if they feel strongly about the subject.
4. Never backbite. Backbiting about people only makes you look bad to the people you backbite to. You lose any confidence people may have in you. Also, if you make sure to speak about people only in front of them, you are most likely to speak in a civil manner and avoid saying anything very offensive. Bear in mind that whatever you say about people behind their backs will reach them - and when it does, it will be worse than if you had expressed your thoughts in a civil manner in front of them.
5. Smile at strangers when you meet them, be it the shopkeeper, the mail man, or the people with you in the elevator. Don't smile strangely: just a small smile will make them think you are nice.
6. Don't lose your temper. Be patient with people, even if it is hard. If you feel very angry about something, sit if you are standing, and lie down if you are sitting. Drink a glass of water - preferably cold. If this does not help, wash your face. Breathing slowly also helps control anger.
7. Be courteous even to your enemies. This will make people think of you as a person with self-control, and create respect for you. If you are nice to everybody, no matter how mean they are, nobody will have any reason to hate you. Being nice to your enemies will also drive them mad!
8. Be nice to people who are not "cool". Don't just be nice to popular people. Being nice to people whom others consider losers or geeks will help create an image of you as a genuinely kind and friendly person.
9. Be fun to talk to!. Don't drone on boringly about something; be more exciting and interesting when you talk. Include little jokes and funny stories in conversations and never be boring when talking to someone.
10. Don't worry about what people think. As long as you are being yourself, that's fine! There will always be people who don't like you, and you should learn to ignore them and get on with your life!
11. Remove yourself. If you find yourself in a bad situation with someone, just remove yourself. Obviously, it is rude to ignore or avoid someone, but just try to reasonably distant from the situation.
Tips
* Counting to ten in your head, and breathing deeply when you're stressed can prevent you from saying something you'll regret later.
* Although it's not a good idea to moan to people, if you're having a bad day, explain it to someone because its worse to bottle it up. People may even think you're annoying if it seems like you never have a bad day!
Warnings
* Don't overuse swear words, as people will think that you are uncivilised. If other people say them to you, just take it as a joke. Try to laugh or smile; that will make people think that you are a very lovable person
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Nice-and-Cheerful-to-People
Steps
1. Smile, and be positive. Being positive will help you stay happy, even if you are having a bad day. A smile improves your outlook, and makes people think of you as a confident and happy person. Smiling at people also helps them feel good about themselves! Besides, nobody likes a person who bores them with his own problems.
2. Strike up a conversation. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Introduce yourself, and then ask them about their day. Don't just talk about yourself throughout the whole conversation. Ask them questions about their interests and who they are.
3. Express your opinions. Don't be afraid to put forward your opinions even if they contradict those of the person you are talking to, but make sure to be civil. A good way to express a contradicting opinion is to start by saying "Yes, you are right when you say that, but I feel that..." Don't agree with people just so that they will like you - nobody likes a clone. People will like you for having your own thoughts and opinions, especially if they are mature and expressed in such a manner. Of course, don't say something that might offend people, especially if they feel strongly about the subject.
4. Never backbite. Backbiting about people only makes you look bad to the people you backbite to. You lose any confidence people may have in you. Also, if you make sure to speak about people only in front of them, you are most likely to speak in a civil manner and avoid saying anything very offensive. Bear in mind that whatever you say about people behind their backs will reach them - and when it does, it will be worse than if you had expressed your thoughts in a civil manner in front of them.
5. Smile at strangers when you meet them, be it the shopkeeper, the mail man, or the people with you in the elevator. Don't smile strangely: just a small smile will make them think you are nice.
6. Don't lose your temper. Be patient with people, even if it is hard. If you feel very angry about something, sit if you are standing, and lie down if you are sitting. Drink a glass of water - preferably cold. If this does not help, wash your face. Breathing slowly also helps control anger.
7. Be courteous even to your enemies. This will make people think of you as a person with self-control, and create respect for you. If you are nice to everybody, no matter how mean they are, nobody will have any reason to hate you. Being nice to your enemies will also drive them mad!
8. Be nice to people who are not "cool". Don't just be nice to popular people. Being nice to people whom others consider losers or geeks will help create an image of you as a genuinely kind and friendly person.
9. Be fun to talk to!. Don't drone on boringly about something; be more exciting and interesting when you talk. Include little jokes and funny stories in conversations and never be boring when talking to someone.
10. Don't worry about what people think. As long as you are being yourself, that's fine! There will always be people who don't like you, and you should learn to ignore them and get on with your life!
11. Remove yourself. If you find yourself in a bad situation with someone, just remove yourself. Obviously, it is rude to ignore or avoid someone, but just try to reasonably distant from the situation.
Tips
* Counting to ten in your head, and breathing deeply when you're stressed can prevent you from saying something you'll regret later.
* Although it's not a good idea to moan to people, if you're having a bad day, explain it to someone because its worse to bottle it up. People may even think you're annoying if it seems like you never have a bad day!
Warnings
* Don't overuse swear words, as people will think that you are uncivilised. If other people say them to you, just take it as a joke. Try to laugh or smile; that will make people think that you are a very lovable person
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Nice-and-Cheerful-to-People
How to Improve Yourself
Congratulations on your interest in improving yourself! Many people would rather blame their circumstances on others than change themselves. Thanks for taking responsibility for yourself and your behavior!
Steps
1. Imagine what you would be like in your perfect world. How are you different and how could you achieve this?
2. Determine what needs improvement and what doesn't. Identify your assets (honest, hardworking, loving...etc.) and your liabilities (angry, lazy...etc.) This is best done with a trusted confident, a loved one, a therapist, a religious leader or even a "Sponsor" in a 12 step group. Most people are experts at self deception. Having an outside party helps to break down some of that. Also, we sometimes have a problem of being either too hard or too soft on ourselves. We need an accurate picture of ourselves if we are to improve.
3. Seek out information on how to pursue that change. Information can be gathered from books, articles, friends, family, and professionals. It is amazing how much information will find you when you are ready!
4. Pick which suggestions you can apply to yourself and to practice those suggestions. If a certain set doesn't seem to work, try another! Nothing works for everyone. You need to find what works for you!
5. Practice, practice, practice! Change comes slowly for most people and can be very uncomfortable. Just keep going until your change is your new reality (the changed you).
6. Be sincere. To further improve yourself. If you do good deeds (even if it ranges from simple things like giving someone a smile or helping your mom) with a sincere heart, everything you do automatically becomes better and you'll have true happiness in your life. (Doing any good deed doesn't mean you have to expect anything in return)
7. Believe in yourself. Recognize your strengths, even if you have to list all of them down. You have to be your own best friend, then you can be a good friend or lover to others.
Tips
* Don't give up if you don't see improvement right away! Pat yourself on your back for "victories" and give yourself a break if you back slide. "Rome wasn't built in a day"! Just keep at it as you are able. Good luck and good for you!
* It also helps to be generous and charitable
Warnings
* Use common sense and don't go overboard with anything!
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Yourself
Steps
1. Imagine what you would be like in your perfect world. How are you different and how could you achieve this?
2. Determine what needs improvement and what doesn't. Identify your assets (honest, hardworking, loving...etc.) and your liabilities (angry, lazy...etc.) This is best done with a trusted confident, a loved one, a therapist, a religious leader or even a "Sponsor" in a 12 step group. Most people are experts at self deception. Having an outside party helps to break down some of that. Also, we sometimes have a problem of being either too hard or too soft on ourselves. We need an accurate picture of ourselves if we are to improve.
3. Seek out information on how to pursue that change. Information can be gathered from books, articles, friends, family, and professionals. It is amazing how much information will find you when you are ready!
4. Pick which suggestions you can apply to yourself and to practice those suggestions. If a certain set doesn't seem to work, try another! Nothing works for everyone. You need to find what works for you!
5. Practice, practice, practice! Change comes slowly for most people and can be very uncomfortable. Just keep going until your change is your new reality (the changed you).
6. Be sincere. To further improve yourself. If you do good deeds (even if it ranges from simple things like giving someone a smile or helping your mom) with a sincere heart, everything you do automatically becomes better and you'll have true happiness in your life. (Doing any good deed doesn't mean you have to expect anything in return)
7. Believe in yourself. Recognize your strengths, even if you have to list all of them down. You have to be your own best friend, then you can be a good friend or lover to others.
Tips
* Don't give up if you don't see improvement right away! Pat yourself on your back for "victories" and give yourself a break if you back slide. "Rome wasn't built in a day"! Just keep at it as you are able. Good luck and good for you!
* It also helps to be generous and charitable
Warnings
* Use common sense and don't go overboard with anything!
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Yourself
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
How to Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends
Making friends is not always easy. It depends on how outgoing you are. If you're shy, then you need to build up your confidence to actually be popular. This guide might help you but what you really need is socializing skills and of course a cheerful smile.
Steps
1. Just be yourself. Don't be afraid to express your opinions. If someone insults you, just ignore them
2. Be optimistic. Even if you are feeling really down, remember that there's always something out there to smile about. A positive outlook will make people want to be around you a lot more.
3. Crack a joke. (Having a sense of humor is important, but don't get too carried away, there are some things you have to be serious about.If you joke about your friend in a rude way it could damage your relationship with them.
4. Smile as much as you can. Signs of encouragement let people know you care about what they are saying.
5. Share interesting/silly ideas. Your thoughts can open up many doors that can lead to friendship.
6. Listen more than you talk. Instead of nodding and smiling and occasionally wiping the drool off your face, try to take what the person says and run with it. Add your own thoughts into the mix - but don't hijack the conversation.
7. Start by doing little things if you are very reserved. For example, every time you go to school, work, or wherever, say hello to one person and have a one-on-one conversation with them.
8. Say "hello" to those that don't talk much. (Share something about yourself, such as where you're going or why you're there. Avoid talking about the weather - as Tom Waits says, "Strangers talk about the weather." Try to compliment them.
9. Don't expect perfection out of anyone, especially yourself. For example, if you forget your own name while introducing yourself, just make fun of the situation.
10. Be Patient. If you are still among strangers, the apprehension of a conversation may cause a delay in comments. Don't worry, that will go away in short order.
11. Talk to older people, maybe even your own folks. They will be less likely to ridicule you, therefore making it easier to learn to talk well.
12. Place importance on making social contacts. The people who are considered popular may not be the sharpest tacks in the box, but they are acquainted with important people who may contribute to their future careers. It is never too late to feel that being popular is important. If your work environment allows for it, host a party, organize a sports game, etc.
13. Love yourself. It is difficult to like others when you do not appreciate yourself for who you are. Try exercise to improve your self-esteem. Start your journey to "self-discovery."
14. Be loyal. Little things count. If you make an appointment, be on time. If you're in a group, show up early, and stay late (even if you don't have anything to say at the moment).
15. Be nice to others. Always give compliments, but don't try too hard. If you are shy, take a deep breath and risk it - you never know what might happen. Again, if you are shy on the outside but a little crazy on the inside, let it out once in a while. Wear your hair up high and spin around or dance. Others will laugh and find you funny and fun to be with.
16. Stand up for your rights. When someone is being too hard on you or perhaps showing signs of prejudice, speak up! Let it out in the open: "Why is it you're so prejudiced?"
17. Be honest. Lying will make people not want to be your friend any more.
18. Respect everyone, no matter what they think or say. They are a person and deserve to be treated with respect. If you treat people well they will treat you the same..
Tips
* Everybody likes some attention, (even the shy ones). Pay a little attention to people, and they'll repay you warmly. It doesn't take much.
* Do not be selfish. Many think if they are generous their friends would take advantage of them. This is an absurd paradox. If your friends were taking advantage of you, you would see right through them, and they should not be considered your friend.
* Avoid saying something that could be taken the wrong way, but don't over-analyze what you want to say. If you think about it too much, not only will you miss out on your chance to contribute to the conversation, but what you do end up saying might sound scripted and unnatural.
* Find people who share your interests. Get up and join a group that has similar interests. In that environment, it would be easier to meet people and make friends.
* Avoid prejudice, even among age. It is not impossible for a 20-year-old to be a friend to a 70-year-old. Don't limit your possibilities.
* Earn some money. You'll be able to go out and do more things, and if you get a job, you'll meet more people there who have similar experiences.
* Surround yourself with people you want to be like.
* Be passionate about what you believe in - keep your own opinions and ideas.
* Take genuine interest in other people, and they will do the same for you.
* A great way to start a conversation with some one new is to ask advice. Everyone wants to show off a little and most likely they'll be happy to help.
* Start out slowly with people. Begin conversations with open-ended questions like, "How's it going?" and let the other person run with the conversation. Calibrate their initial response, to gauge whether they are responsive to more conversation.
* Don't forget about your other friends! Introduce them to each other. That way, you'll have more to talk about and your friends can make more friends, too.
* Sometimes people need a little coaxing. You might have to ask them "How are you?" and "What have have you been up to?" in succession before you get a deep enough response to bring about further conversation.
* People often underestimate how self-conscious other people are. When you interact with other people, remember that they can often make the conversation uncomfortable because of their own insecurities. The best thing to do is to be confident. Confidence gives you a greater vantage point in which to see the social inadequacies of other people.
* Aim to get respect from other people instead of their approval. People are attracted to the people that value themselves. If you are looking for other people's approval then you are implicitly saying that "I value this person's opinion of me, and valuation of me as my indication of worth." You have to value yourself and not seek anyone else's value assessment of you.
* Surround yourself with other people and you will attract more people. People take shortcuts, and in the absence of spending hours with you to find out who you really are, they look to see that you are liked by other people (it's called social proof). As a result, they come to the conclusion, "if other people like you, then I suspect I can like you as well."
* One thing that people like to talk about is sports. A good way to start a conversation is "Hey! How 'bout them (team)?" (If they are into sports that is)
* It's easier to talk to people if you have shared an experience with them. Clearly the friends you have at the moment predominantly talk about interesting things they did in the past.
Warnings
* Don't do anything negative in a group that you wouldn't do by yourself. If something seems wrong, like picking on a guy or abusing an individual (even if the individual is a jerk), SPEAK UP, YELL, SHOUT EVEN and forget whatever others of the group might think. Who cares if they disagree or agree in general? When it comes down to it, do you really want to spend the rest of your life regretting not defending the man/woman that your friends humiliated? Is it worth it, the social acceptance vs. your morals and rights?
* Avoid self-destructive thoughts. Doing things that build talent and esteem will subdue such negativity.
* It is not necessary to accept the first person who comes along, as a friend. They may be unsavory people with no friends for a reason!
* Don't try to say something just for the purpose of looking smart or funny. Most people would rather be friends with someone who comes off as being sincere, not someone just trying to show off. Make sure your humor comes naturally and isn't forced.
* Not everybody likes a bubbly, social, funny personality. A lot of people probably like you just as you are!
* Be yourself. DON'T think about changing into someone else that you are not as you will not get respect that way. If you lie about something that you really don't do, they'll end up finding out & maybe everyone the next week won't be into that anymore, so your best thing to do is talk about your own interests & ask them about theirs or any others they may have.
* The 'key thing' in a conversation is the word 'you'. Ask them about themselves. DON'T go talking about yourself the whole time! If you notice you are saying "I" too much or are just talking about yourself, hurry up & finish that sentence & ask them about what they like. Example: "I like that singer's style. What kinda music do you like?"
* Never put yourself down. Always be confident and other people will notice. Making a bad remark about yourself only makes it OK for other people to do so too.
* Watch late night comedy so you can develop a sense of how to make people laugh.
* Dont crack a joke every 5 seconds, people will think you're anoying and wont want to hang around you
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize%2C-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends
Steps
1. Just be yourself. Don't be afraid to express your opinions. If someone insults you, just ignore them
2. Be optimistic. Even if you are feeling really down, remember that there's always something out there to smile about. A positive outlook will make people want to be around you a lot more.
3. Crack a joke. (Having a sense of humor is important, but don't get too carried away, there are some things you have to be serious about.If you joke about your friend in a rude way it could damage your relationship with them.
4. Smile as much as you can. Signs of encouragement let people know you care about what they are saying.
5. Share interesting/silly ideas. Your thoughts can open up many doors that can lead to friendship.
6. Listen more than you talk. Instead of nodding and smiling and occasionally wiping the drool off your face, try to take what the person says and run with it. Add your own thoughts into the mix - but don't hijack the conversation.
7. Start by doing little things if you are very reserved. For example, every time you go to school, work, or wherever, say hello to one person and have a one-on-one conversation with them.
8. Say "hello" to those that don't talk much. (Share something about yourself, such as where you're going or why you're there. Avoid talking about the weather - as Tom Waits says, "Strangers talk about the weather." Try to compliment them.
9. Don't expect perfection out of anyone, especially yourself. For example, if you forget your own name while introducing yourself, just make fun of the situation.
10. Be Patient. If you are still among strangers, the apprehension of a conversation may cause a delay in comments. Don't worry, that will go away in short order.
11. Talk to older people, maybe even your own folks. They will be less likely to ridicule you, therefore making it easier to learn to talk well.
12. Place importance on making social contacts. The people who are considered popular may not be the sharpest tacks in the box, but they are acquainted with important people who may contribute to their future careers. It is never too late to feel that being popular is important. If your work environment allows for it, host a party, organize a sports game, etc.
13. Love yourself. It is difficult to like others when you do not appreciate yourself for who you are. Try exercise to improve your self-esteem. Start your journey to "self-discovery."
14. Be loyal. Little things count. If you make an appointment, be on time. If you're in a group, show up early, and stay late (even if you don't have anything to say at the moment).
15. Be nice to others. Always give compliments, but don't try too hard. If you are shy, take a deep breath and risk it - you never know what might happen. Again, if you are shy on the outside but a little crazy on the inside, let it out once in a while. Wear your hair up high and spin around or dance. Others will laugh and find you funny and fun to be with.
16. Stand up for your rights. When someone is being too hard on you or perhaps showing signs of prejudice, speak up! Let it out in the open: "Why is it you're so prejudiced?"
17. Be honest. Lying will make people not want to be your friend any more.
18. Respect everyone, no matter what they think or say. They are a person and deserve to be treated with respect. If you treat people well they will treat you the same..
Tips
* Everybody likes some attention, (even the shy ones). Pay a little attention to people, and they'll repay you warmly. It doesn't take much.
* Do not be selfish. Many think if they are generous their friends would take advantage of them. This is an absurd paradox. If your friends were taking advantage of you, you would see right through them, and they should not be considered your friend.
* Avoid saying something that could be taken the wrong way, but don't over-analyze what you want to say. If you think about it too much, not only will you miss out on your chance to contribute to the conversation, but what you do end up saying might sound scripted and unnatural.
* Find people who share your interests. Get up and join a group that has similar interests. In that environment, it would be easier to meet people and make friends.
* Avoid prejudice, even among age. It is not impossible for a 20-year-old to be a friend to a 70-year-old. Don't limit your possibilities.
* Earn some money. You'll be able to go out and do more things, and if you get a job, you'll meet more people there who have similar experiences.
* Surround yourself with people you want to be like.
* Be passionate about what you believe in - keep your own opinions and ideas.
* Take genuine interest in other people, and they will do the same for you.
* A great way to start a conversation with some one new is to ask advice. Everyone wants to show off a little and most likely they'll be happy to help.
* Start out slowly with people. Begin conversations with open-ended questions like, "How's it going?" and let the other person run with the conversation. Calibrate their initial response, to gauge whether they are responsive to more conversation.
* Don't forget about your other friends! Introduce them to each other. That way, you'll have more to talk about and your friends can make more friends, too.
* Sometimes people need a little coaxing. You might have to ask them "How are you?" and "What have have you been up to?" in succession before you get a deep enough response to bring about further conversation.
* People often underestimate how self-conscious other people are. When you interact with other people, remember that they can often make the conversation uncomfortable because of their own insecurities. The best thing to do is to be confident. Confidence gives you a greater vantage point in which to see the social inadequacies of other people.
* Aim to get respect from other people instead of their approval. People are attracted to the people that value themselves. If you are looking for other people's approval then you are implicitly saying that "I value this person's opinion of me, and valuation of me as my indication of worth." You have to value yourself and not seek anyone else's value assessment of you.
* Surround yourself with other people and you will attract more people. People take shortcuts, and in the absence of spending hours with you to find out who you really are, they look to see that you are liked by other people (it's called social proof). As a result, they come to the conclusion, "if other people like you, then I suspect I can like you as well."
* One thing that people like to talk about is sports. A good way to start a conversation is "Hey! How 'bout them (team)?" (If they are into sports that is)
* It's easier to talk to people if you have shared an experience with them. Clearly the friends you have at the moment predominantly talk about interesting things they did in the past.
Warnings
* Don't do anything negative in a group that you wouldn't do by yourself. If something seems wrong, like picking on a guy or abusing an individual (even if the individual is a jerk), SPEAK UP, YELL, SHOUT EVEN and forget whatever others of the group might think. Who cares if they disagree or agree in general? When it comes down to it, do you really want to spend the rest of your life regretting not defending the man/woman that your friends humiliated? Is it worth it, the social acceptance vs. your morals and rights?
* Avoid self-destructive thoughts. Doing things that build talent and esteem will subdue such negativity.
* It is not necessary to accept the first person who comes along, as a friend. They may be unsavory people with no friends for a reason!
* Don't try to say something just for the purpose of looking smart or funny. Most people would rather be friends with someone who comes off as being sincere, not someone just trying to show off. Make sure your humor comes naturally and isn't forced.
* Not everybody likes a bubbly, social, funny personality. A lot of people probably like you just as you are!
* Be yourself. DON'T think about changing into someone else that you are not as you will not get respect that way. If you lie about something that you really don't do, they'll end up finding out & maybe everyone the next week won't be into that anymore, so your best thing to do is talk about your own interests & ask them about theirs or any others they may have.
* The 'key thing' in a conversation is the word 'you'. Ask them about themselves. DON'T go talking about yourself the whole time! If you notice you are saying "I" too much or are just talking about yourself, hurry up & finish that sentence & ask them about what they like. Example: "I like that singer's style. What kinda music do you like?"
* Never put yourself down. Always be confident and other people will notice. Making a bad remark about yourself only makes it OK for other people to do so too.
* Watch late night comedy so you can develop a sense of how to make people laugh.
* Dont crack a joke every 5 seconds, people will think you're anoying and wont want to hang around you
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize%2C-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
How to Be a Classy Girl
Want to be a classy girl? Show you are a high-society lady material? Isn't that hard, you just need a little help, this article will help you. Ladies, discover yourselves!
Steps
1. Have a sense of style. Being in fashion is a must. Try to read more fashion magazines to learn what kinds of clothing go well together and how to put together a classy outfit. Be sure to create your own fashion and have your own style, because it's not right to wear something that just isn't you. It's often better to have a basic personal style than to always be chasing the latest "fad" look.
2. Have good taste in clothing: Be modest in clothing and avoid clothing of bad taste. Extremely low necklines, too short skirts, belly-bearing tops and revealing clothing can make a girl look like she does not respect her body and herself. Shirts with inappropriate sayings, logos or sexual innuendos can make a girl look like she's desperate for attention. Classy ladies are not desperate for attention.
3. Have good hygiene. Remember to always be clean: run a comb through your hair, keep your nails dirt-free and neat, brush your teeth and bathe/shower. When spraying perfume, be sure to use just enough, but not too much. Excessive use of perfume isn't attractive and does not improve your hygiene, despite popular belief. Being clean is important; being grubby isn't classy and isn't pleasing.
4. Speak calmly. This shows politeness. If you talk very loudly, it will seem that you're desperate for attention. Being loud in public isn't just obnoxious, but also inconsiderate to the people around you.
5. Never slouch. Having good posture is an important, and rare, trait.
6. Behave. It's fun to be in a party and dance a lot, but that's not always classy behavior. If you're at a party, the classy behavior is to socialize, but speak calmly, not monopolizing all the attention. Keep drinking minimal and in your tolerance level. Drunk ladies are not classy ladies.
7. Develop conversation skills. Classy ladies don't talk about sexual immorality. They tend to talk about fashion, but they should also talk about intellectual topics (books, art, politics/current events) more.
8. Increase your vocabulary, and stay away from slang terms. Never swear or say racist comments.
9. Smile. Classy people are friendly people, those who always brighten their faces with a smile. It's an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
10. Be nice. If you're classy and want to be liked, you have to be nice, unless you want to be the snobby style of classy. But of course, it's much better to be liked by people, so being nice and treating others well helps. Being snobby isn't very classy in any case, because it is very rude and classy people are not rude.
11. Always be kind and friendly to the people serving you (waiters, etc.). If you really want to know who is well brought up and classy, look at how they treat their inferiors (the people below them on the social ladder), not their equals or superiors.
Tips
* Be intelligent. A classy girl should have good topics to talk about . So study about things that you find interesting and important for life. Read books and improve your vocabulary, and don't use the word "like" all the time; it's a sign of poor education and nervousness. People will admire you because you're smart and have confidence that may be very convenient to you.
* Value your virtues. If you have any good skill or kind of talent, such as drawing, or dancing, singing or playing any musical instrument, do not hide it, work it. Let people see how good you are by exposing your pictures, or maybe playing a musical instrument in front of someone. If you're good at acting, look for a part in any play at theater.
* Tattoos and Body Piercings- Appearances convey a strong message to others; you can be judged by an individual or right before an event that will play a prominent role in your future (e.g. a prospective employer, acquiring a higher position in a reputable company, etc.). Therefore, take careful consideration when deciding if it is a good ideal for you to get visible tattoos or body piercings. Even though a person’s outward appearance does not automatically show his or her true inner qualities, appearances can reflect how a person is willing to be perceived by the world. Also keep in mind that although tattoos and piercings are individual expressions, they can be permanent or difficult (even costly) to remove if you change your mind in the future. If you are in doubt about how tattoos and piercings may impact you in the future, forget about getting them and find other ways to show self expression, such as creating works of art, poetry, hobbies, etc.
Warnings
* You might be called a snob. Just ignore them; whoever says just may be jealous.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Classy-Girl
Steps
1. Have a sense of style. Being in fashion is a must. Try to read more fashion magazines to learn what kinds of clothing go well together and how to put together a classy outfit. Be sure to create your own fashion and have your own style, because it's not right to wear something that just isn't you. It's often better to have a basic personal style than to always be chasing the latest "fad" look.
2. Have good taste in clothing: Be modest in clothing and avoid clothing of bad taste. Extremely low necklines, too short skirts, belly-bearing tops and revealing clothing can make a girl look like she does not respect her body and herself. Shirts with inappropriate sayings, logos or sexual innuendos can make a girl look like she's desperate for attention. Classy ladies are not desperate for attention.
3. Have good hygiene. Remember to always be clean: run a comb through your hair, keep your nails dirt-free and neat, brush your teeth and bathe/shower. When spraying perfume, be sure to use just enough, but not too much. Excessive use of perfume isn't attractive and does not improve your hygiene, despite popular belief. Being clean is important; being grubby isn't classy and isn't pleasing.
4. Speak calmly. This shows politeness. If you talk very loudly, it will seem that you're desperate for attention. Being loud in public isn't just obnoxious, but also inconsiderate to the people around you.
5. Never slouch. Having good posture is an important, and rare, trait.
6. Behave. It's fun to be in a party and dance a lot, but that's not always classy behavior. If you're at a party, the classy behavior is to socialize, but speak calmly, not monopolizing all the attention. Keep drinking minimal and in your tolerance level. Drunk ladies are not classy ladies.
7. Develop conversation skills. Classy ladies don't talk about sexual immorality. They tend to talk about fashion, but they should also talk about intellectual topics (books, art, politics/current events) more.
8. Increase your vocabulary, and stay away from slang terms. Never swear or say racist comments.
9. Smile. Classy people are friendly people, those who always brighten their faces with a smile. It's an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
10. Be nice. If you're classy and want to be liked, you have to be nice, unless you want to be the snobby style of classy. But of course, it's much better to be liked by people, so being nice and treating others well helps. Being snobby isn't very classy in any case, because it is very rude and classy people are not rude.
11. Always be kind and friendly to the people serving you (waiters, etc.). If you really want to know who is well brought up and classy, look at how they treat their inferiors (the people below them on the social ladder), not their equals or superiors.
Tips
* Be intelligent. A classy girl should have good topics to talk about . So study about things that you find interesting and important for life. Read books and improve your vocabulary, and don't use the word "like" all the time; it's a sign of poor education and nervousness. People will admire you because you're smart and have confidence that may be very convenient to you.
* Value your virtues. If you have any good skill or kind of talent, such as drawing, or dancing, singing or playing any musical instrument, do not hide it, work it. Let people see how good you are by exposing your pictures, or maybe playing a musical instrument in front of someone. If you're good at acting, look for a part in any play at theater.
* Tattoos and Body Piercings- Appearances convey a strong message to others; you can be judged by an individual or right before an event that will play a prominent role in your future (e.g. a prospective employer, acquiring a higher position in a reputable company, etc.). Therefore, take careful consideration when deciding if it is a good ideal for you to get visible tattoos or body piercings. Even though a person’s outward appearance does not automatically show his or her true inner qualities, appearances can reflect how a person is willing to be perceived by the world. Also keep in mind that although tattoos and piercings are individual expressions, they can be permanent or difficult (even costly) to remove if you change your mind in the future. If you are in doubt about how tattoos and piercings may impact you in the future, forget about getting them and find other ways to show self expression, such as creating works of art, poetry, hobbies, etc.
Warnings
* You might be called a snob. Just ignore them; whoever says just may be jealous.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Classy-Girl
Monday, February 16, 2009
How to Be Fun to Be With
Most people like being around fun individuals. It's just human nature. People who are fun are usually quite popular among their friends, have good social lives and are rarely bored. Do you want to be a fun person? If so, read on.
Steps
1. Listen. Fun people don't do all the talking when it comes to conversations. Good conversations are crucial when you want to be a likable person, and sometimes you just have to be quiet and listen. Realize too, that listening is a learnable skill that takes practice, and it's more difficult than many people believe. So talk about a topic/subject you want to, then listen to his/her opinion about it or let them start a topic for a conversation.
2. Smile and laugh. Laugh because people like people who laugh with them (not at them). This makes people happy and brightens the way they think of you. It makes you seem like you truly love life and you can deal with any problems that you have to face. Be a happy person, not ditsy and uncaring, but optimistic. Think about the people you most enjoy being with, usually they are always on the up and up. There are times to be sad, but they should not take up a majority of your time.
3. Make eye contact. This is very important because it makes people feel like they have all of your attention, you are listening, interested in what they have to say and they are getting the attention that they deserve. It also makes you seem more trustworthy, honest, and open. If you are always shifting your eyes around and looking at everything but the person you're talking to, people will think that you don't care what they have to say or you have something to hide.
4. Be active. Are you having fun when you are sitting at a bench, looking down and not doing anything at all? In order to be fun to be with, you need to be active, to stand up, to be creative. Maybe do a "happy dance" when something good happens, take up a sport, or twirl around to cheer someone up. It works!
5. Be curious. Know what you'll be doing later. If you get turned down or rejected, move on. You never know what's going to happen until you try. Always try to seek out more knowledge or skill in an area that interests you. It will really improve your character. Go ride a bike past the local park or walk to the nearest local hangout spot because you never know who you'll meet.
6. Care about yourself. In order to be a fun person, you must be confident. Also, physically take care of yourself--Eat Healthy for Life, and Get Fit.
7. Be sociable and friendly. In order to be fun to be with, you'll need to build some new relationships so people start noticing you. Be friendly to everyone--people who were mean to you, that guy that sits next to you in math class, your team captain--everyone. Treat your new friendships well. Praise them, cheer them up when they're down. Joke with them (not at them), help them, invite them to parties, etc. Just be yourself, and be a people person. Be friendly, kind, giving, caring, generous, learn about them, and make them want to know more about you. Be mysterious and intriguing! It totally works.
8. Be spontaneous. Everyone likes a person who can keep things interesting. Have fun with things, be lighthearted. No one likes boredom, or to feel like nothing new ever happens. Change it up! Instead of going to the mall, go bowling. Go to new places, do new things. People will appreciate the change, and they'll know to go to you the next time they want to do something fun.
9. Don't be afraid to really go out there! If you are afraid of people thinking you are weird, strange, etc., just think of the bright side. You don't need them, and hey, you're trying to meet new people anyway, so it will take your mind off the negatives. Plus, who cares about what anyone else thinks? Don't let anyone label you. Be who you want to be and don't be afraid to be yourself. People hate phonies! So go out there and rock the real you.
Tips
* Save some time each day for your own needs.
* Don't be afraid to be yourself, whether or not it overlaps or doesn't overlap with other people's interests. Be interested.
* Always pursue knowledge. Knowing a lot will help you become wittier.
* Know your limits, and let other people know those limits too.
* Always be trustful and honest. Be genuine and don't gossip about others.
* Just be confident, trust yourself and what you do, believe in yourself and others will believe in you.
* Don't make a joke that the other person won't understand. You should never have to say, "you had to be there" . This includes using words or phrases that are advanced for your age; no one likes to feel stupid for not inderstanding something. Also, that makes you seem nerdy.
Warnings
* Don't only pay attention to being fun. You need to keep a more serious side and let it show at appropriate times too. If your friend is asking you for support through hard times, you need to take that as your responsibility and show them that you're a friend worth keeping. Same thing goes with your parents--show them that you deserve more freedom by doing what they say and being responsible.
* Don't try to make people think you are fun. It comes off as phony and pushy.
* Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. It's good to laugh at yourself, though. You have to in order to stay happy through your mistakes and failures.
* Be aware that the kind of fun you're having is healthy, legal, and doesn't cause anyone any harm, including yourself.
* If you are really close, obvious flirtatious teasing is all right. But if you are just getting to know someone, start off polite.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Fun-to-Be-With
Steps
1. Listen. Fun people don't do all the talking when it comes to conversations. Good conversations are crucial when you want to be a likable person, and sometimes you just have to be quiet and listen. Realize too, that listening is a learnable skill that takes practice, and it's more difficult than many people believe. So talk about a topic/subject you want to, then listen to his/her opinion about it or let them start a topic for a conversation.
2. Smile and laugh. Laugh because people like people who laugh with them (not at them). This makes people happy and brightens the way they think of you. It makes you seem like you truly love life and you can deal with any problems that you have to face. Be a happy person, not ditsy and uncaring, but optimistic. Think about the people you most enjoy being with, usually they are always on the up and up. There are times to be sad, but they should not take up a majority of your time.
3. Make eye contact. This is very important because it makes people feel like they have all of your attention, you are listening, interested in what they have to say and they are getting the attention that they deserve. It also makes you seem more trustworthy, honest, and open. If you are always shifting your eyes around and looking at everything but the person you're talking to, people will think that you don't care what they have to say or you have something to hide.
4. Be active. Are you having fun when you are sitting at a bench, looking down and not doing anything at all? In order to be fun to be with, you need to be active, to stand up, to be creative. Maybe do a "happy dance" when something good happens, take up a sport, or twirl around to cheer someone up. It works!
5. Be curious. Know what you'll be doing later. If you get turned down or rejected, move on. You never know what's going to happen until you try. Always try to seek out more knowledge or skill in an area that interests you. It will really improve your character. Go ride a bike past the local park or walk to the nearest local hangout spot because you never know who you'll meet.
6. Care about yourself. In order to be a fun person, you must be confident. Also, physically take care of yourself--Eat Healthy for Life, and Get Fit.
7. Be sociable and friendly. In order to be fun to be with, you'll need to build some new relationships so people start noticing you. Be friendly to everyone--people who were mean to you, that guy that sits next to you in math class, your team captain--everyone. Treat your new friendships well. Praise them, cheer them up when they're down. Joke with them (not at them), help them, invite them to parties, etc. Just be yourself, and be a people person. Be friendly, kind, giving, caring, generous, learn about them, and make them want to know more about you. Be mysterious and intriguing! It totally works.
8. Be spontaneous. Everyone likes a person who can keep things interesting. Have fun with things, be lighthearted. No one likes boredom, or to feel like nothing new ever happens. Change it up! Instead of going to the mall, go bowling. Go to new places, do new things. People will appreciate the change, and they'll know to go to you the next time they want to do something fun.
9. Don't be afraid to really go out there! If you are afraid of people thinking you are weird, strange, etc., just think of the bright side. You don't need them, and hey, you're trying to meet new people anyway, so it will take your mind off the negatives. Plus, who cares about what anyone else thinks? Don't let anyone label you. Be who you want to be and don't be afraid to be yourself. People hate phonies! So go out there and rock the real you.
Tips
* Save some time each day for your own needs.
* Don't be afraid to be yourself, whether or not it overlaps or doesn't overlap with other people's interests. Be interested.
* Always pursue knowledge. Knowing a lot will help you become wittier.
* Know your limits, and let other people know those limits too.
* Always be trustful and honest. Be genuine and don't gossip about others.
* Just be confident, trust yourself and what you do, believe in yourself and others will believe in you.
* Don't make a joke that the other person won't understand. You should never have to say, "you had to be there" . This includes using words or phrases that are advanced for your age; no one likes to feel stupid for not inderstanding something. Also, that makes you seem nerdy.
Warnings
* Don't only pay attention to being fun. You need to keep a more serious side and let it show at appropriate times too. If your friend is asking you for support through hard times, you need to take that as your responsibility and show them that you're a friend worth keeping. Same thing goes with your parents--show them that you deserve more freedom by doing what they say and being responsible.
* Don't try to make people think you are fun. It comes off as phony and pushy.
* Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. It's good to laugh at yourself, though. You have to in order to stay happy through your mistakes and failures.
* Be aware that the kind of fun you're having is healthy, legal, and doesn't cause anyone any harm, including yourself.
* If you are really close, obvious flirtatious teasing is all right. But if you are just getting to know someone, start off polite.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Fun-to-Be-With
Sunday, February 15, 2009
How to Build Self Confidence
You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize you are a good human being that is worthy of respect and love.
Steps
1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
8. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
9. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
11. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
12. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
13. Be yourself. You cannot be the shadow of any man, either distance or near man, you are an individual person, you must live by yourself, forget the promises that a man gave you several months ago, if he did not realize the promises he made, then he is not the man for you.
Always remember, never forget who you are. Don't ever be something you're not.
Tips
* Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
* When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
* Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
* Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
* Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
* Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
* Everyone is beautiful in their own way; don't let anyone tell you differently. Remember to tell yourself that you are beautiful every day; even if you don't believe it, one day you will.
* Money, luck, beauty, and all other material things are just an illusion of happiness. It misleads us to believe we will feel excellent if we have these things or have fun, but in the long run, you will discover that while these things aren't necessarily horrible, they are only mere satisfactions. You will realize having the American Eagle jacket, Nike Shoes, or an attractively rich person flirting with you is only a satisfaction, so you in the end you might feel glad you've gotten what you wanted, but you'll want more and more until you reach happiness. It'll be you just running for happiness blindly until you are worn out.
* Happiness is not all about being lucky, attractive, or the best, but rather feeling joyful in yourself, letting go of your insecurities, and having real fun. Sometimes going clubbing is also what the media tags as being the most fun thing, and it can be, but you decide what feels wonderful and happily fun. The reason people also reflect back to their childhood as "the good ole days" is because that's when being the richest or prettiest doesn't count really, and when we were able to release ourselves and have true fun, feeling happy and confident.
* Keep smiling all the time. It will help you feel more confident.
* Say what comes to your mind; since your instinct thought of it, it's probably the right thing for you. Trusting your instinct will provide you with confidence to make the right decision at the right time.
* Practice good posture. Our body posture represents what we are at that particular time. A simple habit that we can learn and implement is to stand and sit correctly. Your proper body posture will speak for you; how you stand sends out a message to the world, and in turn, back to you.
* Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
* Write something on wikiHow! If you have a suggestion for anything, then share it. You will feel good for contributing, helping someone, and having your voice heard.
* It is important that you take a oath every morning that you will do wonders today. Never think negative about yourself.
* Self confidence is also about knowledge. Improve your knowledge on subjects which you feel are interesting.
* Be true and honest to yourself. You will never be confident in yourself if you don't accept yourself and all the imperfections you may have because, although you may have imperfections, you have natural talents too. Also, you must accept the fact that you are not and never will be "perfect" but you are who you are. Finally, you may have high expectations for yourself but if you just work hard and play hard, that's all you can ask for.
* If you spend a lot of time wondering or worrying what people think of you, try focusing on something else. Dwell on a book you just read, the state of the world today, Somali pirates... or just listen to music. You will feel better, develop your personality, and look much less awkward. If you happen to glance up and catch someone's eye, smile! Because you da bomb...
Warnings
* Don't get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give you something to improve. There's no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
* Don't confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
* Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.
* Do not try to become confident in the sole interest of finding a partner. You will regret creating a false personality as the relationship goes along.
* It's good to have a lot of confidence, but don't build it up so much that you get egotistical and annoying.
* Lack of confidence is not necessarily a curse! So do not worry. Many ignorant, fanatic and maniac people are confident but is that desirable? No. Building self confidence should be associated with simultaneous growth from within. Thus by overcoming pettiness and superficiality you can build unshakable self confidence [Cf: Conceptual Stress: Dr. Shriniwas Kashalikar].
* Do not mistake being loud and cocky as confidence. Often this is just a way of somebody with lots of insecurities to cover it up, therefore not being confident at all. Confidence is being happy with yourself and not allowing what other people think of you to affect you, you should only care about what you think of yourself.
* Don't get suckered into thinking ads like the one at the end of this wikiHow are a quick fix. No one can sell you a magic solution to make you self confident, you need to prove yourself to yourself.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
Steps
1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
8. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
9. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
11. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
12. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
13. Be yourself. You cannot be the shadow of any man, either distance or near man, you are an individual person, you must live by yourself, forget the promises that a man gave you several months ago, if he did not realize the promises he made, then he is not the man for you.
Always remember, never forget who you are. Don't ever be something you're not.
Tips
* Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
* When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
* Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
* Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
* Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
* Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
* Everyone is beautiful in their own way; don't let anyone tell you differently. Remember to tell yourself that you are beautiful every day; even if you don't believe it, one day you will.
* Money, luck, beauty, and all other material things are just an illusion of happiness. It misleads us to believe we will feel excellent if we have these things or have fun, but in the long run, you will discover that while these things aren't necessarily horrible, they are only mere satisfactions. You will realize having the American Eagle jacket, Nike Shoes, or an attractively rich person flirting with you is only a satisfaction, so you in the end you might feel glad you've gotten what you wanted, but you'll want more and more until you reach happiness. It'll be you just running for happiness blindly until you are worn out.
* Happiness is not all about being lucky, attractive, or the best, but rather feeling joyful in yourself, letting go of your insecurities, and having real fun. Sometimes going clubbing is also what the media tags as being the most fun thing, and it can be, but you decide what feels wonderful and happily fun. The reason people also reflect back to their childhood as "the good ole days" is because that's when being the richest or prettiest doesn't count really, and when we were able to release ourselves and have true fun, feeling happy and confident.
* Keep smiling all the time. It will help you feel more confident.
* Say what comes to your mind; since your instinct thought of it, it's probably the right thing for you. Trusting your instinct will provide you with confidence to make the right decision at the right time.
* Practice good posture. Our body posture represents what we are at that particular time. A simple habit that we can learn and implement is to stand and sit correctly. Your proper body posture will speak for you; how you stand sends out a message to the world, and in turn, back to you.
* Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
* Write something on wikiHow! If you have a suggestion for anything, then share it. You will feel good for contributing, helping someone, and having your voice heard.
* It is important that you take a oath every morning that you will do wonders today. Never think negative about yourself.
* Self confidence is also about knowledge. Improve your knowledge on subjects which you feel are interesting.
* Be true and honest to yourself. You will never be confident in yourself if you don't accept yourself and all the imperfections you may have because, although you may have imperfections, you have natural talents too. Also, you must accept the fact that you are not and never will be "perfect" but you are who you are. Finally, you may have high expectations for yourself but if you just work hard and play hard, that's all you can ask for.
* If you spend a lot of time wondering or worrying what people think of you, try focusing on something else. Dwell on a book you just read, the state of the world today, Somali pirates... or just listen to music. You will feel better, develop your personality, and look much less awkward. If you happen to glance up and catch someone's eye, smile! Because you da bomb...
Warnings
* Don't get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give you something to improve. There's no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
* Don't confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
* Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.
* Do not try to become confident in the sole interest of finding a partner. You will regret creating a false personality as the relationship goes along.
* It's good to have a lot of confidence, but don't build it up so much that you get egotistical and annoying.
* Lack of confidence is not necessarily a curse! So do not worry. Many ignorant, fanatic and maniac people are confident but is that desirable? No. Building self confidence should be associated with simultaneous growth from within. Thus by overcoming pettiness and superficiality you can build unshakable self confidence [Cf: Conceptual Stress: Dr. Shriniwas Kashalikar].
* Do not mistake being loud and cocky as confidence. Often this is just a way of somebody with lots of insecurities to cover it up, therefore not being confident at all. Confidence is being happy with yourself and not allowing what other people think of you to affect you, you should only care about what you think of yourself.
* Don't get suckered into thinking ads like the one at the end of this wikiHow are a quick fix. No one can sell you a magic solution to make you self confident, you need to prove yourself to yourself.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
How to Be Lovable
Do you want to be irresistibly lovable? Make people like you the moment they set eyes on you? Have lots of friends who think the world of you and love you to bits? Read on...
Steps
1. Go for the cute look. Make sure you're clean (of course),and not smothered in makeup. A little lip gloss and mascara, and that's it. For clothes, just wear anything you want-but make sure your clothes fit you, are clean, and compliment your shape. Keep your nails, hair, skin and teeth in good condition, Remember to stay clean and take showers/baths.
2. Be the nicest you can. Treat everyone like you would treat your best friend. Don't insult people or pick on them, and stick up for people who are being picked on. Don't get into a punch-up - just tell people to leave them alone. Keep your promises, don't be rude, and never gossip about someone.
3. Whatever you're feeling, put a smile on your face. Don't stop being nice to someone or ignore people because your laptop broke down yesterday-put on a sweet smile and act normal. If you absolutely can't act normal, at least explain to people what's wrong. "Sorry if I snap. It's just that my laptop broke down yesterday and it had all of my homework on it!" is much better than, "Just leave me alone!". People will understand.
4. Get on the right side of your teachers. Hand in your homework when you should, don't talk in class or pass notes, and try hard. If you actually concentrate you can end up learning some really useful or interesting stuff-and you have the weekends, break times, and before and after school to talk to your mates. So tone it down and listen.
5. Be sensible and level headed. This will earn you respect and liking from older people such as parents, teachers, older students and other adults. In an emergency just think about what the most logical thing to do would be, and do it. Stay calm and don't scream or rush about.
Tips
* Be loyal. Don't jump from one friend to another gossiping about them-- this will make all your friends dislike you, and will lose you your trust and give you a reputation.
* Don't panic if you don't get it right away. Do each step thoroughly and carefully before moving on to the next.
* Don't get excited and rush around.
* Do not do something to someone that you don't want to be done to you!
* Do not be mean to others even though people are mean to them.
* If someone insults you or says something hurting don't argue back with them just act like you're fine with that, because do you know what, it shows who your friends are and those who don't like you are just jealous.
* The most important thing is, accepting, loving and respecting yourself unconditionally. This is a very subtle phenomenon and when practiced steadfastly, it invariably sows the seeds of true love and respect for you in the hearts of others.
Warnings
* You may still be disliked or envied by some. Don't let this get to you-just be nice and try your best.
* Don't let one person let you down, there are plenty of other people out there.
* Don't ask someone out just to make someone else jealous. Both sides end up getting hurt. It's not like the movies.
* Don't get taken advantage of, there's such thing as being too nice for your own good.
* Its OK to say no to something you don't want to do just let people down gently!
* Don´t change your personality to much, be careful not to push your feelings away.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Lovable
Steps
1. Go for the cute look. Make sure you're clean (of course),and not smothered in makeup. A little lip gloss and mascara, and that's it. For clothes, just wear anything you want-but make sure your clothes fit you, are clean, and compliment your shape. Keep your nails, hair, skin and teeth in good condition, Remember to stay clean and take showers/baths.
2. Be the nicest you can. Treat everyone like you would treat your best friend. Don't insult people or pick on them, and stick up for people who are being picked on. Don't get into a punch-up - just tell people to leave them alone. Keep your promises, don't be rude, and never gossip about someone.
3. Whatever you're feeling, put a smile on your face. Don't stop being nice to someone or ignore people because your laptop broke down yesterday-put on a sweet smile and act normal. If you absolutely can't act normal, at least explain to people what's wrong. "Sorry if I snap. It's just that my laptop broke down yesterday and it had all of my homework on it!" is much better than, "Just leave me alone!". People will understand.
4. Get on the right side of your teachers. Hand in your homework when you should, don't talk in class or pass notes, and try hard. If you actually concentrate you can end up learning some really useful or interesting stuff-and you have the weekends, break times, and before and after school to talk to your mates. So tone it down and listen.
5. Be sensible and level headed. This will earn you respect and liking from older people such as parents, teachers, older students and other adults. In an emergency just think about what the most logical thing to do would be, and do it. Stay calm and don't scream or rush about.
Tips
* Be loyal. Don't jump from one friend to another gossiping about them-- this will make all your friends dislike you, and will lose you your trust and give you a reputation.
* Don't panic if you don't get it right away. Do each step thoroughly and carefully before moving on to the next.
* Don't get excited and rush around.
* Do not do something to someone that you don't want to be done to you!
* Do not be mean to others even though people are mean to them.
* If someone insults you or says something hurting don't argue back with them just act like you're fine with that, because do you know what, it shows who your friends are and those who don't like you are just jealous.
* The most important thing is, accepting, loving and respecting yourself unconditionally. This is a very subtle phenomenon and when practiced steadfastly, it invariably sows the seeds of true love and respect for you in the hearts of others.
Warnings
* You may still be disliked or envied by some. Don't let this get to you-just be nice and try your best.
* Don't let one person let you down, there are plenty of other people out there.
* Don't ask someone out just to make someone else jealous. Both sides end up getting hurt. It's not like the movies.
* Don't get taken advantage of, there's such thing as being too nice for your own good.
* Its OK to say no to something you don't want to do just let people down gently!
* Don´t change your personality to much, be careful not to push your feelings away.
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Lovable
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