Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
5 Things You Should Never Do When Throwing a Party
These oh-so common fiesta faux pas will make any holiday get-together crash-and-burn.
Having a gathering at your place can be a lot of pressure. So we asked celeb party planner Jes Gordon, author of the new book Party Like a Rock Star, to share the hostess mistakes that can turn a bash into a dud. Steer clear of these crimes and your fête will be memorable...for the right reasons.
1. Sending invites too late — or too early.
If you want people to come to your party, invitation timing is everything. Tell friends more than two months in advance and they’ll forget about the get-together by the time it rolls around. But wait until a day or two before, and you’ll be drinking that entire punch bowl with just one or two other lonely people. Jes recommends sending everyone the details about a month beforehand for a formal party and about two weeks before if you’re throwing a casual gathering.
2. Providing seating for everyone.
Yes, it sounds strange, but as long as you’re not throwing a sit-down dinner party, there’s no need to drag every chair, bench, and stool in your place into the living room or rent those folding plastic chairs. Offering less seats than guests means there will be more mingling and socializing. Plus, the party will have a lot more energy if some of the partiers are standing and walking around. (Jes thinks the magic number is one chair to every two people.)
3. Not booting out that lame-o guest.
If some jackass is obviously wasted and is spilling cranberry cocktails all over your white couch, show him or her the door. Jes recommends pulling the guest aside first and telling them to take it down a notch. If that doesn’t work, we suggest having a guy friend firmly ask them to leave and say you’ll all meet up at a bar later in the week. You may feel like a bit of a bitch, but think of it this way: if you let that unruly partygoer stay, the other guests will probably go.
4. Forgetting about the bathroom.
People tend to overlook this room when tidying up and decorating for a party. But almost every single guest will be there at least once in the night. Make sure all your toiletries are stashed away and the sink and toilet are clean. Jes also recommends laying out a few pretty hand towels and soaps on the sink. And light a few candles — that way guests won’t need to turn on the harsh overhead light. Translation: They won’t be able to tell if your bathroom isn’t totally spotless.
5. Taking on all food and drink prep yourself.
There’s no shame in asking guests to bring a little something, like hors d’oeuvres or a bottle of wine. Jes recommends making a list of all of the goodies you want at your party, taking on the ones you can handle based on the size of your kitchen and budget, and asking partygoers to fill in the blanks. So for example, if you have a tiny stove, farm out the snacks that need to be cooked, and if you’re trying not to spend a lot, ask a few friends to bring vino.
Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/entertaining-ideas/things-not-to-do-at-party
Having a gathering at your place can be a lot of pressure. So we asked celeb party planner Jes Gordon, author of the new book Party Like a Rock Star, to share the hostess mistakes that can turn a bash into a dud. Steer clear of these crimes and your fête will be memorable...for the right reasons.
1. Sending invites too late — or too early.
If you want people to come to your party, invitation timing is everything. Tell friends more than two months in advance and they’ll forget about the get-together by the time it rolls around. But wait until a day or two before, and you’ll be drinking that entire punch bowl with just one or two other lonely people. Jes recommends sending everyone the details about a month beforehand for a formal party and about two weeks before if you’re throwing a casual gathering.
2. Providing seating for everyone.
Yes, it sounds strange, but as long as you’re not throwing a sit-down dinner party, there’s no need to drag every chair, bench, and stool in your place into the living room or rent those folding plastic chairs. Offering less seats than guests means there will be more mingling and socializing. Plus, the party will have a lot more energy if some of the partiers are standing and walking around. (Jes thinks the magic number is one chair to every two people.)
3. Not booting out that lame-o guest.
If some jackass is obviously wasted and is spilling cranberry cocktails all over your white couch, show him or her the door. Jes recommends pulling the guest aside first and telling them to take it down a notch. If that doesn’t work, we suggest having a guy friend firmly ask them to leave and say you’ll all meet up at a bar later in the week. You may feel like a bit of a bitch, but think of it this way: if you let that unruly partygoer stay, the other guests will probably go.
4. Forgetting about the bathroom.
People tend to overlook this room when tidying up and decorating for a party. But almost every single guest will be there at least once in the night. Make sure all your toiletries are stashed away and the sink and toilet are clean. Jes also recommends laying out a few pretty hand towels and soaps on the sink. And light a few candles — that way guests won’t need to turn on the harsh overhead light. Translation: They won’t be able to tell if your bathroom isn’t totally spotless.
5. Taking on all food and drink prep yourself.
There’s no shame in asking guests to bring a little something, like hors d’oeuvres or a bottle of wine. Jes recommends making a list of all of the goodies you want at your party, taking on the ones you can handle based on the size of your kitchen and budget, and asking partygoers to fill in the blanks. So for example, if you have a tiny stove, farm out the snacks that need to be cooked, and if you’re trying not to spend a lot, ask a few friends to bring vino.
Source: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/entertaining-ideas/things-not-to-do-at-party
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Dating Tips: 4 Tricks to Instantly Connect With Anyone
How to make a connection and leave a great first impression when flirting or on a date
It'd be great if dating and flirting were easy -- things you could approach with excitement and nonchalance. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. You want to make a good impression on your potential love-interest, yet the very act of pondering how the other person perceives you can make you less confident! Below are four tricks for making a great first impression whether you're cruising the pick-up scene at a bar or on a first date.
1. Have great eye-contact. According to Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Instantly Connect With Anyone," eye-contact signifies "honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor and confidence." But what makes eye-contact good? In a word, length.
“You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there.”
You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there. Lowndes recommends a few strategies for maintaining continuous eye-contact. Think about the exact shade of his eyes; count the number of times she blinks; note the shape and asymmetry of his eyes.
2. Use the almost-touch. Touching the other person on the arm or the shoulder is a standard flirting technique. The physical contact indicates interest and comfort. Lowndes suggests something else: the almost touch. Reach out like you're about to touch him, but stop before you do. This works on men ("their fantasies go wild wondering what it means") and women ("she may appreciate your affection but can't accuse you of being too forward.")
3. Be eager and enthusiastic -- to a point. Here's a dilemma: How do you come across as interested in someone without seeming overly interested? Let the other person speak first, then match his level of enthusiasm. That way you won't sound disinterested or desperate. This works well on a first date, or when someone introduces you to someone else.
4. Make a good last impression. The way you say good-bye might be even more important than the way you say hello. Studies have shown that when people think about a past incident they're more likely to remember the way they felt at the end, even if it's significantly different from how they felt during the event.
To create a great last impression, advises Lowndes, don't just say good-bye -- instead say a full sentence that includes the person's name. Something like, "It was really great to meet you, Tom." Or "Amy, thanks, I had a really good time." Be warm and friendly and speak with at least as much energy you did when you said hello.
Source: http://ca.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88578/dating-tips-4-tricks-to-instantly-connect-with-anyone
It'd be great if dating and flirting were easy -- things you could approach with excitement and nonchalance. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. You want to make a good impression on your potential love-interest, yet the very act of pondering how the other person perceives you can make you less confident! Below are four tricks for making a great first impression whether you're cruising the pick-up scene at a bar or on a first date.
1. Have great eye-contact. According to Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Instantly Connect With Anyone," eye-contact signifies "honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor and confidence." But what makes eye-contact good? In a word, length.
“You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there.”
You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there. Lowndes recommends a few strategies for maintaining continuous eye-contact. Think about the exact shade of his eyes; count the number of times she blinks; note the shape and asymmetry of his eyes.
2. Use the almost-touch. Touching the other person on the arm or the shoulder is a standard flirting technique. The physical contact indicates interest and comfort. Lowndes suggests something else: the almost touch. Reach out like you're about to touch him, but stop before you do. This works on men ("their fantasies go wild wondering what it means") and women ("she may appreciate your affection but can't accuse you of being too forward.")
3. Be eager and enthusiastic -- to a point. Here's a dilemma: How do you come across as interested in someone without seeming overly interested? Let the other person speak first, then match his level of enthusiasm. That way you won't sound disinterested or desperate. This works well on a first date, or when someone introduces you to someone else.
4. Make a good last impression. The way you say good-bye might be even more important than the way you say hello. Studies have shown that when people think about a past incident they're more likely to remember the way they felt at the end, even if it's significantly different from how they felt during the event.
To create a great last impression, advises Lowndes, don't just say good-bye -- instead say a full sentence that includes the person's name. Something like, "It was really great to meet you, Tom." Or "Amy, thanks, I had a really good time." Be warm and friendly and speak with at least as much energy you did when you said hello.
Source: http://ca.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88578/dating-tips-4-tricks-to-instantly-connect-with-anyone
Sunday, December 13, 2009
How To Forget About Your Ex
You went through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone to the drunken nights out with the guys, and you're ready to begin a new relationship with a woman you've been eyeing for a while. But you're wondering how to go about forgetting your ex completely so that you can start this new relationship from a fresh perspective. Read on for the 10 steps you should take to do just that.
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
Monday, December 7, 2009
Out of Bounds: Dealing with People Who Break Boundaries
Most people have a sense of what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to respecting boundaries. However, we are bound to find individuals who don’t. These people are abusive…and if we don’t deal with them properly, they will continue to break boundaries time and time again.
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
Friday, November 20, 2009
Be Happy - How to Reclaim Your Authentic Happiness
They say, Don't Worry, Be Happy. But how do you just stop worrying and start being happy? We start our pursuit of happiness the minute we're born, but the Art of Happiness isn't one of the things we learn in school.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How to keep from losing yourself in a relationship
The video isn't entertaining. Play it to listen and learn from the verbal teachings.
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