How to make a connection and leave a great first impression when flirting or on a date
It'd be great if dating and flirting were easy -- things you could approach with excitement and nonchalance. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. You want to make a good impression on your potential love-interest, yet the very act of pondering how the other person perceives you can make you less confident! Below are four tricks for making a great first impression whether you're cruising the pick-up scene at a bar or on a first date.
1. Have great eye-contact. According to Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Instantly Connect With Anyone," eye-contact signifies "honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor and confidence." But what makes eye-contact good? In a word, length.
“You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there.”
You need to look at someone long enough to actually connect with them -- not just a brief flicker here and there. Lowndes recommends a few strategies for maintaining continuous eye-contact. Think about the exact shade of his eyes; count the number of times she blinks; note the shape and asymmetry of his eyes.
2. Use the almost-touch. Touching the other person on the arm or the shoulder is a standard flirting technique. The physical contact indicates interest and comfort. Lowndes suggests something else: the almost touch. Reach out like you're about to touch him, but stop before you do. This works on men ("their fantasies go wild wondering what it means") and women ("she may appreciate your affection but can't accuse you of being too forward.")
3. Be eager and enthusiastic -- to a point. Here's a dilemma: How do you come across as interested in someone without seeming overly interested? Let the other person speak first, then match his level of enthusiasm. That way you won't sound disinterested or desperate. This works well on a first date, or when someone introduces you to someone else.
4. Make a good last impression. The way you say good-bye might be even more important than the way you say hello. Studies have shown that when people think about a past incident they're more likely to remember the way they felt at the end, even if it's significantly different from how they felt during the event.
To create a great last impression, advises Lowndes, don't just say good-bye -- instead say a full sentence that includes the person's name. Something like, "It was really great to meet you, Tom." Or "Amy, thanks, I had a really good time." Be warm and friendly and speak with at least as much energy you did when you said hello.
Source: http://ca.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88578/dating-tips-4-tricks-to-instantly-connect-with-anyone
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
How To Forget About Your Ex
You went through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone to the drunken nights out with the guys, and you're ready to begin a new relationship with a woman you've been eyeing for a while. But you're wondering how to go about forgetting your ex completely so that you can start this new relationship from a fresh perspective. Read on for the 10 steps you should take to do just that.
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_60/98_dating_girl.html
Monday, December 7, 2009
Out of Bounds: Dealing with People Who Break Boundaries
Most people have a sense of what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to respecting boundaries. However, we are bound to find individuals who don’t. These people are abusive…and if we don’t deal with them properly, they will continue to break boundaries time and time again.
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most "just don’t get it." They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them. This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable. Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.
The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship. Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:
1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries. Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries. Some questions to ask: Are they pushy? Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering? Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate? Do they disregard your wishes or needs? Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling. Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong? Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why? Do you feel nauseous during the discussion? At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears. If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react. Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential "room for discussion" or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary. Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries. Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line. The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic "isn’t up for discussion." The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future. No means no. Inappropriate is inappropriate. And, boundaries are boundaries.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life? How do you handle the situation?
Source: http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/out-of-bounds-dealing-with-people-who-break-boundaries/
Friday, November 20, 2009
Be Happy - How to Reclaim Your Authentic Happiness
They say, Don't Worry, Be Happy. But how do you just stop worrying and start being happy? We start our pursuit of happiness the minute we're born, but the Art of Happiness isn't one of the things we learn in school.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How to keep from losing yourself in a relationship
The video isn't entertaining. Play it to listen and learn from the verbal teachings.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Alcoholism / Addiction
This may seem a little out of place, but I wanted to put it somewhere. If you or someone you know is in recovery, this is something to look at.
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
Monday, October 26, 2009
Break Your Food Addiction
Discover why you are addicted to food, the problem with the behavior and answers on how to break free from your food addiction.
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
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