They say, Don't Worry, Be Happy. But how do you just stop worrying and start being happy? We start our pursuit of happiness the minute we're born, but the Art of Happiness isn't one of the things we learn in school.
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to reclaim your ability to create authentic happiness? We've created this little video about a pattern we develop early I our life that blocks our natural ability to be happy.
It's true that happiness is a choice, but we can only choose happiness if we know what prevents us from being happy in the first place. The shortest path to true happiness is found through making conscious choices. So watch the video and discover why finding true happiness isn't as impossible as it may sometimes seem.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How to keep from losing yourself in a relationship
The video isn't entertaining. Play it to listen and learn from the verbal teachings.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Alcoholism / Addiction
This may seem a little out of place, but I wanted to put it somewhere. If you or someone you know is in recovery, this is something to look at.
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
The Definition of Alcoholism/Addiction
The first thing that many people confuse is the fact that alcoholism is not the same thing as alcohol abuse. While most consider them one and the same, in truth, they are very different.
Alcoholism is a disease in which the afflicted individual compulsively drinks alcohol. This intense craving results in the inability to manage control over the urge to drink. The more the individual uses alcohol, the stronger the body's physical dependence on it will become. The resulting tolerance causes the need to drink greater amounts in order to achieve the same effects.
Addiction is a disease; a compulsive physiological need for use of any habit-forming substance in which the body adapts to the substance and gradually increases the required amount needed to reproduce the effects originally produced in smaller doses. Addiction to any substance is a dangerous condition that is exceedingly difficult to rehabilitate from.
Addiction is recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. In diagnosed cases of addiction, the person will crave the substance in the same manner as someone starving from food or water. Individuals will typically continue their consumption regardless of the damage it causes to their health, relationships, or their finances, as the compulsion is uncontrollable.
Like many other diseases, the disposition for addiction is commonly passed genetically. While this genetic link has been scientifically determined, an individual's lifestyle, environment, stress level, and the availability of alcohol also play a significant role in the development of this chronic disease. Fortunately, just because someone is “at risk” for the disease of alcoholism does not mean he or she will develop it. Understanding your risk level, however, can be key to protecting yourself and getting the help you need as early as possible.
Signs & Symptoms of Alcohol or Drug Abuse
It is important to remember that if an individual has any of the following symptoms it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs and/or alcohol. The presence of some of these symptoms could be related to a host of other problems (i.e. stress, depression). Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if several of them are occurring at one time. The key thing to look for is change; be aware of significant changes in an individual’s physical appearance, personality or behavior.
Behavioral Symptoms
* Mood Swings: Virtually all mood-altering drugs produce a wide range of mood swings from euphoria to depression. A user may be passive and withdrawn one minute and angry or hostile the next.
* Personality Changes: A normally energetic and outgoing person becomes chronically depressed and uncommunicative.
* Defensiveness: Blaming or claiming to be persecuted or victimized.
* Overly Emotional: Inappropriately happy, depressed, hostile, or angry.
* Overly Self-Centered: Always has to have their own way and will do anything to have it.
* Tendency to Manipulate: Making excuses for failure or finding ways to have other people handle their problems or bear the consequences of their actions or behaviors.
* Strained Communication: Unwillingness or inability to discuss important issues or concerns.
* Withdrawal from Family Activities: Refusing to eat at family meals, participating in celebrations or holidays or making any adjustments to family life.
* Change in Dress and Friends: Sudden deterioration of long friendships/relationships, deterioration in personal appearance and hygiene, spends time with suspicious friends and/or co-workers.
* Lack of Self-Discipline: Inability to follow rules, complete household chores, school assignments, work-related duties, keep appointments or commitments.
* Apathy: Little or no interest in meaningful activities such as clubs, hobbies, sports, or other activities.
* School and Work Problems: Excessive tardiness, absences, drop in grades, drop in job performance, missed deadlines, failure to turn in assignments and take tests or perhaps suspension or expulsion.
* Anxious Behavior: Chronic jittery, jerky, or uneven movements, fearfulness, compulsiveness and talkativeness.
Physical Symptoms
* Change in appearance: Sudden gain or loss of weight.
* Poor physical condition: Lack of coordination, stumbling, shaky hands, dizzy, consistent “run down” condition, chronic fatigue, irregular heartbeat.
* Eating: Changes in habits such as loss of appetite, increase in appetite.
* Eyes: Bloodshot or watery, consistently dilated pupils.
* Frequent colds: Sore throat, coughing, nausea, vomiting.
* Nose: Chronically inflamed or runny nostrils.
* Speech pattern: Significant changes such as slurred speech, faster speech, slower speech.
Relapse Warning Signs
Chemically dependent individuals can demonstrate relapse behaviors at any time throughout their recovery process, but they are especially prone during the early stages of recovery. The relapse process starts when a person falls into old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The following are signs of relapse at any stage in recovery:
* Lack of gratitude: For recovery or what has been achieved in the recovery process.
* Complacency: When things begin to improve. The chemically dependent person believes that they no longer need to focus on their recovery efforts; they are convinced they will never begin using again.
* Lack of self-care: They become exhausted, develop or return to irregular eating habits or poor health habits in general.
* Self-pity: The chemically dependent person talks and acts as if no one else has it as bad as they do.
* Denial: Increasing or a return to denial. The chemically dependent person starts rationalizing, justifying, minimizing or generalizing addictive thinking.
* Blame: Begins blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings or behavior.
* Isolation: Attempting to solve problems on their own; not sharing what is going on with others in the support group.
* Unrealistic goals: Wanting too much too quickly.
* Manipulation: Attempting to control one's recovery through blaming of others for their problems.
* Discounting a recovery program: Stopping 12-Step meetings, not utilizing a sponsor or unwilling to allow others to help.
Signs & Symptoms of Substance Abuse in the Workplace
* Absence: Frequently absent from work for no justifiable reason.
* Tardiness: Arriving late and/or leaving work early.
* Unnecessary breaks: Long lunches or unexplained disappearances.
* Job Performance: Decreases significantly.
* Avoidance: Of supervisor or other co-workers.
* Appearance: Poor personal hygiene, sudden gain or loss of weight.
Source: http://thewatershed.com/symptoms.php
Monday, October 26, 2009
Break Your Food Addiction
Discover why you are addicted to food, the problem with the behavior and answers on how to break free from your food addiction.
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
Friday, August 28, 2009
How to Turn Down a Drink
When in a social situation, it is possible that you will be offered an alcoholic drink by your host. Once people get into the party mode they may be reluctant to take 'no' for an answer, but you have your reasons. How do you turn down the offer without seeming like a killjoy?
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Saturday, February 21, 2009
How to Fix a Broken Friendship
Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two 'good' friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same.
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
How to Save Your Friendship
Have you ever had a huge fight with your best friend over something, then felt guilty? Well, here's some advice on how to end the fight and save your friendship before it's too late.
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
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