Discover why you are addicted to food, the problem with the behavior and answers on how to break free from your food addiction.
You may not even realize you have a food addiction. Maybe you consider yourself someone who has a terrible sweet tooth or who really enjoys food. But if you think about food often throughout the day, experience a physical craving for certain types of foods or spend half the time eating a well-balanced diet and the other half binging on less healthy choices, odds are you are a food addict.
Habits of a Food Addict
1) Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.
The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.
2) Fixation With Food You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.
The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.
The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.
3) Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.
The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.
The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
4) Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.
The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.
The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.
5) Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.
The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.
The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.
Source: http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/break_your_food_addiction
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
How to Turn Down a Drink
When in a social situation, it is possible that you will be offered an alcoholic drink by your host. Once people get into the party mode they may be reluctant to take 'no' for an answer, but you have your reasons. How do you turn down the offer without seeming like a killjoy?
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Steps
1. Decline gracefully. Sometimes a polite word will do the trick, and there's no need to go into detail.
* "No, thank you. I'm not drinking this evening."
* "No, thank you. I don't drink."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive my friends home."
* "No, thank you. I have to drive myself home."
* "No, thank you. I forgot my designated driver."
* "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty at the moment."
* "Thanks, but I'm pacing myself."
* "Thanks, but I'm still hungover from last night."
* If they insist, then you must insist as well. "Thank you for the offer, but I'd really rather not."
* "Thank you, but no. Perhaps another time."
* "I'm fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit," thus ambiguously deferring the drink until a later time (or not at all).
2.
Alcohol? Orange juice?Alcohol? Orange juice?
Carry a decoy. If what you are avoiding is alcohol, ask instead for soda, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or water. Even bars keep these items around. Whether or not you drink it, having a drink can stop people from offering another.
* E.g. "No, thank you, but a coffee would be wonderful if you have any."
* If you're in a bar, ask for a soda in a short glass (if they serve sodas in larger ones), add a stir straw instead of the fat straw and a slice of lime or lemon. No one will know. And if your usual drink is a mixed drink - say a cranberry vodka, just ask for a cranberry juice. It looks the same in ice. (This is also good, if you're trying to cut someone off at a bar without them noticing. After the first couple of drinks you can't taste the alcohol anymore, anyway.)
3. Enlist allies. In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the wait staff that you won't be drinking, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit the alcohol if anyone buys you a drink. This is especially helpful with heavy drinking friends or friends who buy shots.
4. Keep busy. Make conversation, enjoy the meal or appetizers, take photos with other guests, or have a go at dancing. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts, and your friends something to do besides try to give you drinks.
5.
Driving home?
Driving home?
Offer to be the designated driver. Tell them you will have to drive later, or that you're the designated driver for a group. Better yet, volunteer as a designated driver in advance of drink offers. Most people will think you are choosing to not drink because you're driving instead of choosing to drive because you're not drinking. A sensible host should drop the issue right then and there.
6. Explain your reasons for not drinking or make a convincing excuse. While a simple "No, thank you" should be enough, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in some cultures, to refuse a drink outright is often seen as ungrateful and insulting. Offer a reason or excuse and defuse the tension. Just be firm and don't waver, or do anything to make it look like you might be convinced to change your mind. A firm reason, even a fabricated one, may persuade somebody that your refusal to drink is more than simple reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses/reasons that work wonders:
* You're trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
* Your doctor advised you not to (interacts badly with medicines, etc.)
* Lent
* You're allergic
* You have a big day tomorrow
* You have an early morning appointment
* You have to drive home
* You're feeling dehydrated or under the weather
* You're recovering, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medication that can't be combined with alcohol
* You had too much the night before and can barely stand to be in the same room with it
* You're feeling nauseated. It may be something you ate.
* You're pregnant. If the person is a stranger, then they will never know you lied.
* You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, they'll laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case they'll ask what you're training for). Then you can go on to tell a funny story about that time you fancied yourself a gymnast on the playground's monkey bars...
* You're a recovering alcoholic. If you are upfront about being a recovering alcoholic, you may find they are not only apologetic but also become supportive and more considerate.
* It's contrary to your religious beliefs. If you have religious or other firmly held belief that drinking alcohol is wrong, simply say so. If your host is unwilling to respect your religious belief, you might as well know that up front. Some people do not recommend saying anything to the effect of abiding by your beliefs, asserting that your beliefs are a personal decision and that your host and other guests might feel insulted because by saying that you're trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you're implying that they are doing the wrong thing by consuming alcohol. Worse yet, those who make this recommendation point to the possibility that a heated conversation about ethics and religion may ensue. However, if your reason for not drinking is your religious belief, it's hard to see that lying about that is nearly as polite as it is hypocritical. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without pushing them on others. If not, you may not be ready for situations where others will be consuming alcohol.
If you simply don't enjoy drinking, people may have a hard time understanding this, so you may be better off making an excuse.
7. Take one and hold it. If you absolutely must take the drink, remember that you are not required to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry the drink around without sipping or quietly abandon it untouched should come as no surprise to your host.
8. Dump it. If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink, or if you've been holding it for a long time, get rid of it. Use discretion when dumping an unwanted drink. Keep in mind that not having a glass in hand will probably be noticed after a while and you'll start the refusal process all over again.
* Offer it to a friend and see if they'll take it. Waste not, want not.
* If you're at someone's home and have access to the outside, you can dump the drink outside. Try to dump just the liquid and carry the glass with the ice and remnants of the drink around.
* Excuse yourself to the restroom and pour out the liquid in the sink.
* If you've been offered a can of beer, take it into the bathroom and pour it out. Then refill the can with cold water. They can't see the contents so no one will know. You can be seen sipping it and when offered a fresh beer, you can tell them that the can's full and you're not ready for another one, yet. One can, carefully and discreetly refilled, can fool people all night.
* Never pour a drink in a houseplant or potted plant. It could kill the plant, create a sticky mess, or attract bugs.
* Set your drink in an area with many empties and walk away.
9. Remember that it's not you; it's them. If somebody is pushing alcohol on you after you have declined, then they are the ones not being polite. Many people choose to avoid alcohol for a variety of reasons, which are nobody's business but their own. You do not owe them any further explanation, especially if you've already mentioned a reason or excuse. Don't let anyone pressure you into having a drink, and don't allow them put you in a position in which you have to "make a case" for why you're not drinking. If the host continues to pester you about the issue, feign a sickness, thank your host for a wonderful time (i.e. lie), and leave.
10. Don't attend future parties like this. If you have a hard time being firm, or this host has a hard time taking "no" for an answer, just don't go next time. When friends ask why you aren't attending, tell the truth. Say, "Well, last time I went, it seemed all anyone cared about was seeing me drink. I don't care to party that way (with alcohol or drugs) any more. Until I feel sure that my "no" will be accepted and I won't be badgered all night, I'm not going to go." That should take care of the problem, because your friends will pass what you said on to the host, and in the future, care will be taken not to offend you in this way again.
Tips
* If possible, give the host advance notice you won't be drinking. Give them whatever reason you'd like, but let them know you're a non-drinker before the gathering. Ask if there will be non-alcoholic items or volunteer to bring something.
* Tell a close friend or two and work the buddy system. Sometime you just need backup to avert a pushy host, someone to mix you that non-alcoholic drink or someone to change the subject before the host insists...again.
* Ask your host whether a mixed punch or other drink offering contains alcohol. If you tell your host before the party, they may be willing to set aside some non-alcoholic punch for you to drink.
* Most real friends will accept "no" graciously. If you don't drink alcohol at all, offer to be an "on-call" designated driver for parties. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and most friends are willing to pay for your gas to avoid driving while drunk.
Warnings
* If you do not trust the person offering the drink do not take it. Unscrupulous people can and sometimes do put things in drinks that should not be there.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel like a drink is being forced upon you by someone you don't trust, either don't take it or take it and ignore it or conveniently "lose" it.
* Never ruin property or plants to dispose of a drink.
* If you believe you are in any sort of danger, leave immediately and don't worry about minding your manners in the process.
* If you are not a drinker, don't hang around anyone who would force a drink on you.
* Remember! It's better to be safe than sorry!
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Turn-Down-a-Drink
Saturday, February 21, 2009
How to Fix a Broken Friendship
Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two 'good' friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same.
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
Steps
1. Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
2. Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
3. Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
4. Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
5. Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
6. Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.
Video
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Mending-a-Friendship-in-Trouble-24084703
Tips
* When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness. Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
* Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
* It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.
Warnings
* Make sure you're not still angry at this person
* Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
* Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Broken-Friendship
How to Save Your Friendship
Have you ever had a huge fight with your best friend over something, then felt guilty? Well, here's some advice on how to end the fight and save your friendship before it's too late.
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
Steps
1. Send them an e-mail saying you're sorry and asking to hear their side of the story. Remember if you don't get to the root of the problem you won't be able to fix it.
2. Try seeing the situation through their eyes.
3. Make sure that they know how you feel. Understanding each other is the key to a good friendship.
4. Try to get together, just the two of you. Like have a sleepover and just take the time to talk about how each of you feel and what you think you need to work on to make your frienship stronger.
5. Never tell your friend that they're wrong. Everyone has their own opinion, and by telling them that they're wrong (even if they are) you're making it sound like you don't care about what they have to say.
6. While in a fight don't make the situation worse by spreading rumours about them, teasing them and/or hurting them in any way. Instead, just try giving them their space and every once in a while giving them a little sorry smile, letting them know that you want the fight to be over.
7. Never try to change your best friend to make them more like you. You'll soon realize that they're perfect exactly the way they are.
8. When they try to talk to you don't walk away.Make sure that you listen to everything they have to say. Communication is gold.
9. Never try to make your best friend jealous by pretending to have a new best friend. It'll hurt them way more than make them jealous.
10. Make sure that they know that you'll always love and care about them.
Tips
* Always put in the effort to stay close friends. Even when difficult it will reward you in the long run.
Warnings
* Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Your-Friendship
Friday, February 20, 2009
How to Come Up with Good Conversation Topics
Even if you know how to start a conversation and make it a good one, there's still the issue of choosing what you're going to talk about. Some topics are inappropriate in some situations, and some are just plain boring. Here are some topics to keep the conversation alive while keeping your foot out of your mouth.
Steps
1. Offer a genuine compliment like "I like your shoes" or "You did a fantastic job with that presentation today" or "I love the way you play the piano." Try to make it a compliment that involves something they did, rather than something they are, because then you can carry the conversation forward by asking them how they did what they did. E.g. "Where did you find the shoes?" or "How did you learn to put together such great presentations?" or "Who taught you to play the piano?" If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, they can thank you and the conversation ends there.
2. Bring up family. Your safest bet here is siblings. Parents can be a touchy subject for people who had troubled upbringings, have estranged parents, or whose parents have recently passed away. The topic of children can be uncomfortable for couples who are having fertility issues or disagreements about whether to have children, or for a person who wants to have kids but hasn't found the right person or situation. So stick with asking about siblings:
* Do you have any siblings? How many?
* What are their names?
* Do you look alike?
* Do you all have similar personalities?
* Who was the favorite?
* You could mention a 2007 study which found that the oldest sibling usually has the highest IQ, but younger siblings tend to excel in other areas of life, like sports and arts.[1] If you have siblings, you can say something like "I know that's true/not true for my family when I was growing up, is it true for yours?"
3. Ask about their travels. Ask the person where they've been; even if they have never left their home town, you can always ask where they want to go.
* If you had to permanently relocate to any other country, which one would it be and why?
* Of all the cities in the world you've visited, which one was your favorite?
* Where did you go on your last vacation, and how did you like it?
* What was the worst vacation/trip you ever had?
4. Inquire about food and drink. Food is a little better to talk about because there's always the chance of bumping into someone who has had issues with alcohol abuse, whether they were alcoholics, or they had negative experiences with an alcoholic. So talk about food. Be careful that the conversation doesn't stray into someone going on and on about their diet, how they're trying to lose weight, etc. That can take the conversation in a negative direction.
* Ask "If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?"
* What's your favorite breakfast food?
* Where do you like to go when you eat out?
* What's the best dish you can cook up?
* What's your favorite kind of candy?
* What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?
5. Ask about work. This one is especially tricky. Use with care. A date might think you're a gold digger. Or the conversation could end up sounding like a job interview. Still, if you can handle it carefully and keep it short and sweet (and prevent it from turning into a competition over whose job or boss is worse) then here are some starters:
* What was your first job ever?
* Who was your favorite boss in the past and why?
* When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
* What do you like best about your job?
* If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?
6. Find out about their interests and hobbies. This is where it starts to get more personal. It's up to you to carry the conversation beyond these questions in an appropriate way. Just always remember to stay positive, ask questions, and relate.
* What do you do in your spare time?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What kinds of movies do you like to watch?
* What are your favorite TV shows?
* What's your favorite board game or card game?
7. Play it safe and don't talk about any of the following:
* Past relationships
* Anything that can be answered with one word
* Politics
* Religion
* Illness, bad health
* Unpleasant smells
* Job woes (boredom, bad boss, etc.)
* Specialized interests
* Dark topics like serial killers and stalkers
* Bragging
* Any negative judgments
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Magnetic-Conversation-Topics-55167366
Tips
* Read up on current events. Read the paper and browse social bookmarking sites for current, interesting stories, but try to keep away from politics and religion.
* Listen carefully, and try to relate. After someone has answered, relate your own experience to something they mentioned, or answer the question yourself, even if they don't ask you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Come-Up-with-Good-Conversation-Topics
Steps
1. Offer a genuine compliment like "I like your shoes" or "You did a fantastic job with that presentation today" or "I love the way you play the piano." Try to make it a compliment that involves something they did, rather than something they are, because then you can carry the conversation forward by asking them how they did what they did. E.g. "Where did you find the shoes?" or "How did you learn to put together such great presentations?" or "Who taught you to play the piano?" If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, they can thank you and the conversation ends there.
2. Bring up family. Your safest bet here is siblings. Parents can be a touchy subject for people who had troubled upbringings, have estranged parents, or whose parents have recently passed away. The topic of children can be uncomfortable for couples who are having fertility issues or disagreements about whether to have children, or for a person who wants to have kids but hasn't found the right person or situation. So stick with asking about siblings:
* Do you have any siblings? How many?
* What are their names?
* Do you look alike?
* Do you all have similar personalities?
* Who was the favorite?
* You could mention a 2007 study which found that the oldest sibling usually has the highest IQ, but younger siblings tend to excel in other areas of life, like sports and arts.[1] If you have siblings, you can say something like "I know that's true/not true for my family when I was growing up, is it true for yours?"
3. Ask about their travels. Ask the person where they've been; even if they have never left their home town, you can always ask where they want to go.
* If you had to permanently relocate to any other country, which one would it be and why?
* Of all the cities in the world you've visited, which one was your favorite?
* Where did you go on your last vacation, and how did you like it?
* What was the worst vacation/trip you ever had?
4. Inquire about food and drink. Food is a little better to talk about because there's always the chance of bumping into someone who has had issues with alcohol abuse, whether they were alcoholics, or they had negative experiences with an alcoholic. So talk about food. Be careful that the conversation doesn't stray into someone going on and on about their diet, how they're trying to lose weight, etc. That can take the conversation in a negative direction.
* Ask "If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?"
* What's your favorite breakfast food?
* Where do you like to go when you eat out?
* What's the best dish you can cook up?
* What's your favorite kind of candy?
* What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?
5. Ask about work. This one is especially tricky. Use with care. A date might think you're a gold digger. Or the conversation could end up sounding like a job interview. Still, if you can handle it carefully and keep it short and sweet (and prevent it from turning into a competition over whose job or boss is worse) then here are some starters:
* What was your first job ever?
* Who was your favorite boss in the past and why?
* When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
* What do you like best about your job?
* If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?
6. Find out about their interests and hobbies. This is where it starts to get more personal. It's up to you to carry the conversation beyond these questions in an appropriate way. Just always remember to stay positive, ask questions, and relate.
* What do you do in your spare time?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What kinds of movies do you like to watch?
* What are your favorite TV shows?
* What's your favorite board game or card game?
7. Play it safe and don't talk about any of the following:
* Past relationships
* Anything that can be answered with one word
* Politics
* Religion
* Illness, bad health
* Unpleasant smells
* Job woes (boredom, bad boss, etc.)
* Specialized interests
* Dark topics like serial killers and stalkers
* Bragging
* Any negative judgments
Video: http://www.5min.com/Video/Magnetic-Conversation-Topics-55167366
Tips
* Read up on current events. Read the paper and browse social bookmarking sites for current, interesting stories, but try to keep away from politics and religion.
* Listen carefully, and try to relate. After someone has answered, relate your own experience to something they mentioned, or answer the question yourself, even if they don't ask you.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Come-Up-with-Good-Conversation-Topics
Thursday, February 19, 2009
How to Be Nice and Cheerful to People
Have you ever thought how great it would be to be smiley and cheerful all the time, and for people to think you were really nice? Here's how!
Steps
1. Smile, and be positive. Being positive will help you stay happy, even if you are having a bad day. A smile improves your outlook, and makes people think of you as a confident and happy person. Smiling at people also helps them feel good about themselves! Besides, nobody likes a person who bores them with his own problems.
2. Strike up a conversation. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Introduce yourself, and then ask them about their day. Don't just talk about yourself throughout the whole conversation. Ask them questions about their interests and who they are.
3. Express your opinions. Don't be afraid to put forward your opinions even if they contradict those of the person you are talking to, but make sure to be civil. A good way to express a contradicting opinion is to start by saying "Yes, you are right when you say that, but I feel that..." Don't agree with people just so that they will like you - nobody likes a clone. People will like you for having your own thoughts and opinions, especially if they are mature and expressed in such a manner. Of course, don't say something that might offend people, especially if they feel strongly about the subject.
4. Never backbite. Backbiting about people only makes you look bad to the people you backbite to. You lose any confidence people may have in you. Also, if you make sure to speak about people only in front of them, you are most likely to speak in a civil manner and avoid saying anything very offensive. Bear in mind that whatever you say about people behind their backs will reach them - and when it does, it will be worse than if you had expressed your thoughts in a civil manner in front of them.
5. Smile at strangers when you meet them, be it the shopkeeper, the mail man, or the people with you in the elevator. Don't smile strangely: just a small smile will make them think you are nice.
6. Don't lose your temper. Be patient with people, even if it is hard. If you feel very angry about something, sit if you are standing, and lie down if you are sitting. Drink a glass of water - preferably cold. If this does not help, wash your face. Breathing slowly also helps control anger.
7. Be courteous even to your enemies. This will make people think of you as a person with self-control, and create respect for you. If you are nice to everybody, no matter how mean they are, nobody will have any reason to hate you. Being nice to your enemies will also drive them mad!
8. Be nice to people who are not "cool". Don't just be nice to popular people. Being nice to people whom others consider losers or geeks will help create an image of you as a genuinely kind and friendly person.
9. Be fun to talk to!. Don't drone on boringly about something; be more exciting and interesting when you talk. Include little jokes and funny stories in conversations and never be boring when talking to someone.
10. Don't worry about what people think. As long as you are being yourself, that's fine! There will always be people who don't like you, and you should learn to ignore them and get on with your life!
11. Remove yourself. If you find yourself in a bad situation with someone, just remove yourself. Obviously, it is rude to ignore or avoid someone, but just try to reasonably distant from the situation.
Tips
* Counting to ten in your head, and breathing deeply when you're stressed can prevent you from saying something you'll regret later.
* Although it's not a good idea to moan to people, if you're having a bad day, explain it to someone because its worse to bottle it up. People may even think you're annoying if it seems like you never have a bad day!
Warnings
* Don't overuse swear words, as people will think that you are uncivilised. If other people say them to you, just take it as a joke. Try to laugh or smile; that will make people think that you are a very lovable person
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Nice-and-Cheerful-to-People
Steps
1. Smile, and be positive. Being positive will help you stay happy, even if you are having a bad day. A smile improves your outlook, and makes people think of you as a confident and happy person. Smiling at people also helps them feel good about themselves! Besides, nobody likes a person who bores them with his own problems.
2. Strike up a conversation. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Introduce yourself, and then ask them about their day. Don't just talk about yourself throughout the whole conversation. Ask them questions about their interests and who they are.
3. Express your opinions. Don't be afraid to put forward your opinions even if they contradict those of the person you are talking to, but make sure to be civil. A good way to express a contradicting opinion is to start by saying "Yes, you are right when you say that, but I feel that..." Don't agree with people just so that they will like you - nobody likes a clone. People will like you for having your own thoughts and opinions, especially if they are mature and expressed in such a manner. Of course, don't say something that might offend people, especially if they feel strongly about the subject.
4. Never backbite. Backbiting about people only makes you look bad to the people you backbite to. You lose any confidence people may have in you. Also, if you make sure to speak about people only in front of them, you are most likely to speak in a civil manner and avoid saying anything very offensive. Bear in mind that whatever you say about people behind their backs will reach them - and when it does, it will be worse than if you had expressed your thoughts in a civil manner in front of them.
5. Smile at strangers when you meet them, be it the shopkeeper, the mail man, or the people with you in the elevator. Don't smile strangely: just a small smile will make them think you are nice.
6. Don't lose your temper. Be patient with people, even if it is hard. If you feel very angry about something, sit if you are standing, and lie down if you are sitting. Drink a glass of water - preferably cold. If this does not help, wash your face. Breathing slowly also helps control anger.
7. Be courteous even to your enemies. This will make people think of you as a person with self-control, and create respect for you. If you are nice to everybody, no matter how mean they are, nobody will have any reason to hate you. Being nice to your enemies will also drive them mad!
8. Be nice to people who are not "cool". Don't just be nice to popular people. Being nice to people whom others consider losers or geeks will help create an image of you as a genuinely kind and friendly person.
9. Be fun to talk to!. Don't drone on boringly about something; be more exciting and interesting when you talk. Include little jokes and funny stories in conversations and never be boring when talking to someone.
10. Don't worry about what people think. As long as you are being yourself, that's fine! There will always be people who don't like you, and you should learn to ignore them and get on with your life!
11. Remove yourself. If you find yourself in a bad situation with someone, just remove yourself. Obviously, it is rude to ignore or avoid someone, but just try to reasonably distant from the situation.
Tips
* Counting to ten in your head, and breathing deeply when you're stressed can prevent you from saying something you'll regret later.
* Although it's not a good idea to moan to people, if you're having a bad day, explain it to someone because its worse to bottle it up. People may even think you're annoying if it seems like you never have a bad day!
Warnings
* Don't overuse swear words, as people will think that you are uncivilised. If other people say them to you, just take it as a joke. Try to laugh or smile; that will make people think that you are a very lovable person
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Nice-and-Cheerful-to-People
How to Improve Yourself
Congratulations on your interest in improving yourself! Many people would rather blame their circumstances on others than change themselves. Thanks for taking responsibility for yourself and your behavior!
Steps
1. Imagine what you would be like in your perfect world. How are you different and how could you achieve this?
2. Determine what needs improvement and what doesn't. Identify your assets (honest, hardworking, loving...etc.) and your liabilities (angry, lazy...etc.) This is best done with a trusted confident, a loved one, a therapist, a religious leader or even a "Sponsor" in a 12 step group. Most people are experts at self deception. Having an outside party helps to break down some of that. Also, we sometimes have a problem of being either too hard or too soft on ourselves. We need an accurate picture of ourselves if we are to improve.
3. Seek out information on how to pursue that change. Information can be gathered from books, articles, friends, family, and professionals. It is amazing how much information will find you when you are ready!
4. Pick which suggestions you can apply to yourself and to practice those suggestions. If a certain set doesn't seem to work, try another! Nothing works for everyone. You need to find what works for you!
5. Practice, practice, practice! Change comes slowly for most people and can be very uncomfortable. Just keep going until your change is your new reality (the changed you).
6. Be sincere. To further improve yourself. If you do good deeds (even if it ranges from simple things like giving someone a smile or helping your mom) with a sincere heart, everything you do automatically becomes better and you'll have true happiness in your life. (Doing any good deed doesn't mean you have to expect anything in return)
7. Believe in yourself. Recognize your strengths, even if you have to list all of them down. You have to be your own best friend, then you can be a good friend or lover to others.
Tips
* Don't give up if you don't see improvement right away! Pat yourself on your back for "victories" and give yourself a break if you back slide. "Rome wasn't built in a day"! Just keep at it as you are able. Good luck and good for you!
* It also helps to be generous and charitable
Warnings
* Use common sense and don't go overboard with anything!
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Yourself
Steps
1. Imagine what you would be like in your perfect world. How are you different and how could you achieve this?
2. Determine what needs improvement and what doesn't. Identify your assets (honest, hardworking, loving...etc.) and your liabilities (angry, lazy...etc.) This is best done with a trusted confident, a loved one, a therapist, a religious leader or even a "Sponsor" in a 12 step group. Most people are experts at self deception. Having an outside party helps to break down some of that. Also, we sometimes have a problem of being either too hard or too soft on ourselves. We need an accurate picture of ourselves if we are to improve.
3. Seek out information on how to pursue that change. Information can be gathered from books, articles, friends, family, and professionals. It is amazing how much information will find you when you are ready!
4. Pick which suggestions you can apply to yourself and to practice those suggestions. If a certain set doesn't seem to work, try another! Nothing works for everyone. You need to find what works for you!
5. Practice, practice, practice! Change comes slowly for most people and can be very uncomfortable. Just keep going until your change is your new reality (the changed you).
6. Be sincere. To further improve yourself. If you do good deeds (even if it ranges from simple things like giving someone a smile or helping your mom) with a sincere heart, everything you do automatically becomes better and you'll have true happiness in your life. (Doing any good deed doesn't mean you have to expect anything in return)
7. Believe in yourself. Recognize your strengths, even if you have to list all of them down. You have to be your own best friend, then you can be a good friend or lover to others.
Tips
* Don't give up if you don't see improvement right away! Pat yourself on your back for "victories" and give yourself a break if you back slide. "Rome wasn't built in a day"! Just keep at it as you are able. Good luck and good for you!
* It also helps to be generous and charitable
Warnings
* Use common sense and don't go overboard with anything!
Found at: http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Yourself
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